As a mature woman, in a casual work and connected home environment, I found myself in an experience of being bullied by another mature business woman in a group of women that ranged in age from young with small children themselves, to those older than them. These women’s behaviour repeated the same patterns that small children demonstrate at the toddler stage when parents and early childhood educators are tasked with modelling how to navigate their triggers to process their reactive feelings and resolve them within themselves before lashing out and harming others. These mothers and grandmothers did not demonstrate the skills or ability to slow down their emotional escalation before focusing on resolving issues that led up to their reactions. It suggests that they had not integrated these skill sets themselves. Keep in mind that these were mothers, grandmothers and aunties of children who were the core educators modelling learned behaviours within their family and community units.
Let me introduce myself
My name is Renee Lindstrom, and I have been focused on educational programs for bullying since arriving in Victoria 35 years ago. This focus of attention has been from a somatic empathic perspective and not at the typical vantage point of strategies and analysis of the behaviours. This suggests the focus has been on the practical steps of integration at the core internalized behavioural level.
The two options:
- Labelling the behaviours and speaking about them to create strategies with no inner accountability
- Slowing down the emotional reaction on the inside first to identify the internal stimulus and connect to the causation of the trigger before responding (taking accountability)
More about these two options
These two bullet points suggest that one pattern has a focus of analysis while still in a triggered reactive state. This suggests attention is aimed outward at others without any self-connection first. This suggests it is a position of denial and lacks any personal responsibility. This leads to a projection that lacks logic and empathy in the responses.
The other option begins with an inside focus for checking into oneself first to connect to the internal source of the trigger to calm reactions down before connecting to outside solutions. This option contains self-empathy first to connect to the source of the trigger response before any outside actions are taken. This increases the potential for balanced fairness and equal opportunity in the outcomes.
Back to the introduction of Renee Lindstrom
The first educational choices for navigating experiential learning techniques for deeper clarity and understanding from a somatic empathic viewpoint came through movement and meditation. The mediation I engaged in opened an opportunity to study Feng Shui that aligned with the core syllabus of the meditation practice I was integrating. This led to an intensive dive into Nonviolent Communication guided patterns created by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Phd, and author of Nonviolent Communication.
My focus on teaching NVC began in 2007 after 7 years of personal study and integration with a focus on the areas of bullying and relationships. I taught, presented and organized events actively in our Greater Victoria Communities in Juan de Fuca, James Bay, Oak Bay, Greater Victoria, and Saanich. It included the focus of primary couple relationships, families, parenting, peers in the workplace and primary education.
Back to the experience
No Remuneration for time and effort where other employee/s were paid for
While this experience that will be described is one in a sea of many, it is a definable one that shifted my patterns of response and continues to demonstrate to me the value in the training patterns I create through my practice and personal studies. It has also been an event where I never received remuneration for my time, yet someone received payment for it, even though it was the time and effort I put in. This, together with my mail being opened without my permission, and a lack of meeting my request to have it forwarded to me, plus some other incidents, I share this event in my life for training purposes. I, like the universe. do not like the lack of energetic reciprocity. This is one way of meeting my needs and balancing this out energetically while sharing it as educational materials. It is paying it forward to others in a positive way.
Being Nudged By Spirit to use this as a pattern to create a model
I believe I am being nudged by spirit or the dream state to share the patterns of how I handled this experience on site and after, as it was either detached or a state of detaching from ego, status and fear. It demonstrated fearlessness and the growth of a higher state of self-confidence and empowerment. A state that bypasses the fight, flight, freeze or fonding states with conscious awareness. Even though I kept telling myself that I had already learned these lessons and questioned how I found myself in this placement now, in hindsight, it was exactly what I needed to go through and be able to integrate into the focus of attention I have held for the past 30 years.
Why? Working with others now, what took 30 years is transitioning in mere hours or days is now happening for others who have gone beyond looking for outside strategies to change, and have shifted into longing for change. When that choice is made, there is less effort in transforming obstacles, and it seems that they fall away with more ease.
Upcoming post points will focus on these types of issues from this experience and will include practical steps to hold both sides equally from a leadership perspective and support each side involved to get their needs met, instead of only one side, due to the leadership going into sympathy versus empathy. This will be an integrative pattern to transform these types of bullying behaviour for your home, office and institution
An example of what you can expect to read about:
- Home/Business Environment
- Observations and Pitfalls of institutionalized expectations of employees in a home environment for one person
- Employees who lacked typical dedication and devotion to their scheduled hours, and their possible contributions to this (from a professional with a background in hotel and hospitality)
- Bullying incidents
- Getting Resident outside after being housebound for over two years and only going out to go to Doctor appts
- Patterns I used to encourage going outdoors with ease and motivation
- Response of employees hearing about this, and aggressive responses
- Response of a family member upon hearing this achievement
- The use of inappropriately timed texting that instigated conflict and aggression
- No regular eating schedule and missing meals daily basis
- Lack of routine and schedule, and wellness shift with changes by creating regular daily patterns
- Harmful Gossip that crossed between family and employees, no boundaries
- Food Cost concerns by Office Admin that resulted in hostile behaviours, confusion and lack of food for resident:
- The concern led to insufficient groceries in the home where I began feeding the resident my food daily
- This concern led to repeated surveillance of me eating my own food by casual employees who wouldn’t know whose food was whose
- My food was even used to make a meal for a family member by employees responsible for ordering food – there was a lack of consistent food supply
- Business Partner/Friend who led a meeting to find out my concerns that led to employees changing all the points shared in the next days before our next meeting for resolution
- Business Partner/Friends open hostility in a Professional Meeting
- Sabatosh ofreputation in the community after being a whistleblower
- Business Leader sabatoshing reputation with false accusations in the local community
Before exiting the property, I made some suggestions for the employee to implement. Some of these ideas were shared with a family member and business partner. I will do a detailed list of these points and recommendations and give an explanation of what inspired them. I believe they will be useful for other families who have employees working in a home with institutionalized training. I have successfully created other structured plans for families in need of this service in the local community. They are doable and work well.
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Copyright 2014 – 2025 Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement since 2001
