Tag Archives: Relationships

Zodiac for Daily Goals to Inspire Intuition 

Moon Zodiac for daily personal goal setting 

The moon affects changes as it passes through the zodiac constellations that Astrologists believe influences our life.  Its gravitational pull makes it the second strongest influence after the sun and Astrologers use the path of the moon as a guide to explore human personality and activities.   

Scroll down under Astrological signs for 3 step exercise to integrate these signs into daily use and to read more on why they are an effective integration tool that can support understanding the labyrinth of your mind and those of others to improve relationships.

 


Renee began exploring the moons influence on the essence of human emotions and their reactions to certain situations as a way to broaden the perspective of what her students/clients were learning to lighten up the process of inner change.  The moon can influence human creativity, imagination and ability to attract other people and it is a great guide for cutting through the constructs of black and white (right and wrong) thinking that lacks mindfulness, understanding and empathy.  This personal journey into the labyrinth of ones mind can create an emphatic understanding into the labyrinth of another’s mind.


Moon Zodiac daily goal exercise

to inspire intuition

A daily 3 step exercise Renee recommends as a template for increasing a mindful connection between emotional wellness and ones focus of attention.  A shift in ones focus of attention can increase understanding, clarity and intuition and reduce destructive reactions inside oneself or with others.  Actions can become mindful and be constructive versus destructive.  Try these 3 steps as a daily exercise using the 12 astrological moon signs as a guide.

  1. Start by reading the daily zodiac sign influence and choose up to 3 actions for the day.  This can be done in the morning, or evening before.  (If it is done the evening before you may be pleasantly surprised by the difference in your motivation upon rising.)
  2. As you take actions in the day pause a moment before you check it off your mental to do list.  Begin to notice any sensations that you may have and remember to make a mental note of it.
  3. At the end of the day stop to check in to your daily action plan. Reflect upon the feelings of celebration for completed tasks or the feelings of regret for uncompleted ones.
    1. Notice the felt sense differences between the two; celebrations and regrets.
    2. Try to cut through any stories you are telling yourself that try to justify why you did or didn’t complete your task.  Instead,  “*Focus your attention on what your emotions are and begin to observe what you are feeling instead of reacting to them.” 
    3. Be constructive and put names to your emotions. Start replacing destructive judgments.  This builds a mental-emotional feelings vocabulary that is an essential to a  mindful-heart connection in Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s model of Nonviolent Communication.
 *This is one missing step in our cultural social emotional education.  However it is never too late to learn how to become more mentally and emotionally resilient and flexible.

Learning  to be in your feelings is the start of retraining your mind to be curious about them.

The next step is to identify the root cause of the feelings inside that you are beginning to name and become more comfort with exploring the environment they are creating from which you act from.  To learn more on how to make this connection consider an upcoming workshop with Renee or an on-going dialogue series.  Go to her calendar or list of communication workshops for more information, or connect with her for a personal one on one for those difficult events.


Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication,  Empathy,  Values Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children’s Summit on Peace & Nature in 2015

16 Reasons why to explore Body, Mind & Heart Connection @ Inside Awareness?

INTEGRATION, LEARNING & DEVELOPMENT

  1. Experience a deeper connection to self.
  2. Improve your posture! Walk, sit, stand, sleep, breathe, think and feel better.
  3. Understand the influences of your environment; external and internal!
  4. Increase self-value and  deepen inner trust and know you are doing what is right for you.
  5. Connect to your boundaries and learn how to voice them in a safe way without conflict!
  6. Stop compromising, learn how to have  choice.
  7. Increase your understanding of your self-image and how it is holding your back from success!
  8. Stop feeling alone & lonely?
  9. Turn abusive relationships into empowering experiences!
  10. Stop doubting yourself when it comes to decision-making.
  11. Learn how to transition from taking things personally by developing skills to translate difficult messages.
  12. Move through fear to build relationships and find love.
  13. Understand how to resolve differences.
  14. Improve your odds of finding partnerships where you are  valued.
  15. End your relationships with more ease, respect and  move forward with less attachment!
  16. Become aware of the culture you are creating in your parenting style (or of your parents and their’s before them).

Read more:

about Inside Awareness 

Upcoming local Classes & Workshops

Upcoming Calendar

Taking a risk in ‘relationships’

by Renee Lindstrom, GCFP

Last night I encouraged a couple to take a risk and be honest with each other and to listen to the message in what each is saying  while trying not to be defensive.  This morning I came across this  great piece, author unknown.

To laugh is to risk appearing foolish.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To hope is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

To live is to risk dying.

 

Yet risks are often taken,

because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risk nothing

may avoid suffering and sorrow,

Yet he reduces his chances to learn, feel, change, grow, love or live.

Chained by his opinions,

He forfeits the opportunity to contribute

to the growth of the whole.

 

To risk is our gift and our choice. 

 


Feldenkrais Method® of Somatic Movement Education

Recent Comment:  Thank you for the amazing session which helped me to better understand the pain and anxiety issues I’ve been dealing with. Very insightful experience. I felt way more relaxed Friday evening and I’m monitoring myself to help ensure I’m releasing tension and breathing properly. Am impressed by it and by your skills. D

Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people. R
Lifescapes (Landscapes)

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

Parent – Child Relationship Transformational Cycle transcends species

by Renee Lindstrom
A year ago this month I received a call for help from one of my own kids.  They no longer lived on Vancouver Island so it wasn’t as though I could go and rescue them!  In the ongoing telephone calls of support I learned of a cat that this kid found solace with.  I loved that cat sight unseen!

As plans were made to helicopter this kid out of this situation, I realized the cat would be left, however, I knew that she would be visiting me at some point.  Two to three months later this kid came to stay with me and we made plans to pick up the cat.

The arrival of this small cat was interesting.  She entered as a warrior and strutted around the house like she owned it even though she had never seen it before.  Her tail stood straight out for days and was hard and inflexible.  She behaved like a feral cat.  After two weeks I stood looking at her and told myself that I had to let her go.  I told myself I couldn’t tolerate this and that I had given her enough, yet she hadn’t changed.  Then another inner voice questioned me and said,  “Really! What about the empathy that you have for your students and clients that help them experience transformation.”

Hearing that question I committed to not labeling this cat and to become more empathetic with her.    I realized that her behavior was scaring me.  I had expected a warm and loving cat and what came was a distant, cold warrior! So I became warm and loving.  I anticipated her needs until she began asking for things that she needed. They was an immediate shift!  One day she came up to me at eye level and searched my eyes for a long time.  I can only imagine that she was seeking reassurance.  Over this year I have witnessed and experienced  a complete  transformation as she settles.  She still has a wild nature however I am learning that means she needs to play!

I would have never thought I would become that person who talks about her cat. Well I do!  My other kid who still lives off the island, which means our visits are by phone and on-line,  receives many pictures and stories of the latest heart warming moments with this cat  I experience!

As the anniversary date approaches I have become aware that the kid that came home has also gone through their own transformation.  Prior to coming home I gave some consideration to their status as my kid.  I wondered  and worried if it was my job to tell them everything they were doing wrong and what they needed to fix.  You know,  being mom!  Well I quickly threw that thought into the rubbish!  I decided to accept, empathize and to love unconditionally.  However, what I did decide to do is ask for my needs to be met as they arose in the present!

I began to listen for their needs more closely.  As the kitty cat transformed, so did this kid.  There is more confidence, self-respect, self-assurance and self-love demonstrated. Rather than impart my wisdom on what I think they should be doing, they approach me when they are ready and ask for empathy and/or advice.  The story that unfolds in front of me is of how they are managing their relationships differently and being more assertive in creating their own boundaries in a non-violent or abusive way.  They are also addressing the abusive nature of others reactions in a clear more productive way!

Don’t get me wrong, I do ask questions way about some things that are important for me and that I think could benefit them, however it is not in a way that they feel I know what’s best for them.  It is simply a check in to find out what is important for them.

As my youngest left home, I had four months on my own without kids.  Having this one move back was a no-brain-or for me however, I wondered what it would mean.  You know, what would I have to give up?  Well I am happy to admit to you and myself that I have gained a loving and supportive relationship with a kid that I thought I had lost as they went their own way.

One of the ways that deepened this relationship was their observation of how I was with their cat, believe it or not.  Many times I saw them look at the two of us, the cat and I, in a funny way.  They had left home with a perception of mom that was based upon their own experience of wanting (not getting their needs met).  Now they where actually witnessing a different pattern than what they interpreted in their teen years when we had opposing needs! As they started to recognize the loving connection between the cat and I, they allowed themselves to experience the loving connection that they didn’t know or forgotten was there!

This cat has created the experience that I imagine most moms and kids experience with grand-babies!    Taking care of my own children gave me the opportunity to have empathy for my own parents and now I wonder if grand-babies would also enhance compassion and understanding!  My parents were gone prior to the birth of my children so I will have to experience it with my kids, kids!

What about your parenting experiences?  Are you letting your children have autonomy?  Are you building relationships with your young adult children or are you still trying to parent them?


I began a personal practice of Nonviolent Communication in my home in 2001. My children where five and 7 and one – half years old.  I believe those studying Nonviolent Communication in the Greater Victoria Region all began in around 1999.  For me, I believe my children and others whose parents began studying at the same time,  have been immersed in this communication through the modeling of the parents through out their life. Therefore it is in their behavior and apart of their cultural understanding.    I have observed a huge difference in their behavior and that of  myself and those I grew up with.
Renee Lindstrom

Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

If something is broken in your relationship how does it affect your family?

Are you doing this:

by Renee Lindstrom

because you want this:

couple-814825_960_720

Six months ago a caravan parked on our local street.  It was a young family; mom, dad, two kids, two cats and a dog,  arriving to set up a home planning to rent a  house temporarily until finding their own dream home in the Greater Victoria Region.  Dad had grown up here and wanted to raise his young kids on the West Coast.

The reason the husband shared his story is they wanted to block access to my home with their vehicles for a few days.  In speaking with him I had deja-vu. Some friends had traveled with him and his family and you could tell they had partied and enjoyed their travel time.  I wondered how it would be for them to move into a home where the earlier occupant also loved to have a good time with a revolving door of visitors that enjoyed a good drink or two!  The previous occupant was a friend and  hung around for a few weeks in party mode as they unpacked and settled.

With the previous tenant’s lifestyle influence and one partners love of partying   it wasn’t a happily ever after experience for them.  By December, 3 months later, a house had been bought, however not in the Greater Victoria Region.  One was purchased in the town they had recently traveled from.   When he told me he wanted to block my access to load up again, he shared a bit of his story.    He said it was important to move for the kids and to stop partying.  I could tell he was hung over.  Wow!

I felt empathy for him and his little family.  Being on this side of some life similarities, and with my training, I recognized his move to Victoria was a strategy to full fill something that wasn’t working for him in his lifestyle. He is travelling back into that same environment and states this choice is more important than his needs.   As he speaks his mannerisms tell that he isn’t convinced and not in agreement with this decision.  It’s been made for him. He says that it’s been a six month party and it was time to get serious.

I wondered if her intention is to be close to family and set up a home for the kids to meet her needs for safety and support in the event that they can’t resolve their differences.  I know as a mom that would have been my priority if my needs for shared values were not met in my marriage.  Hell, that happened to me!  We didn’t have shared values and I raised my kids alone!   My hope, for this young couple, is that they find a way to work through the reasons for travelling across the country in the first place.   Was it to try to find the aliveness that may have gone out of the relationship?

Three things I would have suggested once they arrived in Victoria:

  1.  Be aware of how an earlier occupant of a house can influence your experience.
  2. Choose to clear a house by setting your intention for the home you want to create.  Don’t fall into an earlier pattern.
  3. Take ownership of the space and set boundaries!

Three things I  would recommend for them now setting up a new home as they arrive to their new house:

  1.  Each of them check in and write out what is meaningful for the in  three areas:  1.  Relationships, 2.  Family & Home, 3.  Community
  2. Each of them take turns and honesty express what these are with a  willingness to hear and create new ones together.
  3. Follow the above three steps.

I hope they will take the time to do the above however they will not be arriving together.  One has gone ahead to set up the new house while the other is closing the other.  It may be one’s already claimed the space and the other will be a visitor!  I hope not!!!!!

This  story stimulated reflection of my earlier post:  How a previous murder influenced my marriage!  As I write this one a raven is calling and the snow is falling!

 


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

 

How a previous murder influenced my marriage!

wood-1448600__180

On Feb 24th I wrote about conflict in neighbors relationships and boundaries.  I mentioned how sometime previous to buying one of  the houses I wrote about, the neighbor next door murdered the owner of the house.  The house had been let go from rental occupancy and that is what thought we were getting.  A rental fixer upper!

On the day we were moving in, the neighbor,  now living in the murderers house, walked over and told us about the history of our two properties.  I come from a family of tall people and this person didn’t have quiet their height, however the body posturing was massive.    My partner and I felt uncomfortable.  We found out this person was R.C.M.P. and I remember thinking I should feel pleased as it would be safe, yet my instincts didn’t match up.  Thinking back,  this was an experience where someone is trying to have power over me.

Hearing this news was unwelcome and it changed my expectations, hopes and dreams for this house.  I thought it could be our forever home.  It had that much potential.  First of all not knowing where the owner was shot in the house began a personal obsession.  I never knew if I would find anything each time we pulled up an old floor, baseboard, carpet or wall panel.  Finally it got the best of me and I did some research.  I found out it was on the front steps coming into the house.  This was the worst news possible!  I know this news had my  full focus of attention.  It was disturbing and I did not have the skills to understand what needs were not met or how to process it!  The front door is the entrance to the house and where life enters.  Here a life had been taken!

Even for a short time living in that house I can say it was never  a home.  Living in this space actually brought out unethical behaviors in both myself and my partner.  Not obvious at first.  It started off with small issues and experiences and was the catalyst for our break up!  In that house we stopped trying to process our differences and began meeting our needs in other ways.  We experienced conflict, violence, unethical drunken behavior and  sexual betrayal, depression mental, emotional and physical pain.  All in a short space of time!

When the house sold my partner and I had already found separate living arrangements and had split up our assets.  Had I known then how a space can define your experience. who knows, perhaps there could have been something that could have been done to support resolving our differences more ethically.  We resolved them, however with  struggle, pain and deception.

How are you resolving your differences?  In the above experience, I would now focus on a process of speaking honestly and listening with more empathy.  I would also process my pain at hearing someones life had been taken in the space I was living in with my partner. I would extensively cleanse the house energetically and spiritually.  I may even bring in the local aboriginal elders to bless the home and support a shift in the space.  An unconscious intention had been created by the violent action and the cleansing would create a new intention for the space.


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

Do you have a good or bad relationship boundaries with your neighbor?

by Renee Lindstrom

The seasons here in Greater Victoria are changing and there may be stirring to get outside and begin yard projects.  I don’t know about you, but for me when I have sought out a house to create into a home, I have had a need for privacy. That has been an important value for me.  To have space to be alone to connect with myself in the comfort of my garden space.

I imagine we all have our next door neighbor stories that are cringe worthy. Here are three of mine that surprised and in some cases shocked me.  My reactions though over the years have changed as my awareness has grown.  In the first two experiences I was angry and even felt rage, however in the third  I can laugh and I do not have the same attachments as I once did.  This enables me to experience empathy for what these neighbors may be going through, however, it doesn’t mean that I will  give in to them.

#1 – Killing the next door neighbor in Northern B.C. Community

I think the most traumatic for me is buying a house only to find out that a past house owner was shot and killed by the neighbor resulting from years of disputes. Unfortunately there wasn’t anything I could do to enhance the experience of living there after this news and we  re-sold.  My regret was the realtor didn’t disclose this to us before buying this house. One persons need is a waste of an others energy.

Not only was the news disturbing, it was how we were told by the neighbor who lived in the house of the jailed murderer.  This neighbors way was power over us as he told to us in a taunting manner the day after we moved in!  I recognized  a pattern and as this neighbor was RCMP, I knew guns would be on the premises.

#2 – Bullying and Taunting South Oak Bay Neighbor 

Getting outside in my yard to clear overgrown ivy along our fence line one day the neighbor immediately comes by and simply tells me to leave the overgrown blackberries and ivy.  What he didn’t view  was the danger underneath the ivy for our two small kids.  On their side the property was clear to the property line, however, on our side we lost 8 feet due to overgrowth.  Eventually we installed a beautiful natural fence that they immediately covered.  It wasn’t until they sold a few years later we discovered they had an outdoor shower close to the property line that was hidden by our original overgrowth.

I imagine had they disclosed their need for privacy to us we could have worked something out. However, his approach was to strut up and down the property line and tell us what we could and couldn’t do.  Another approach he had; waiting until my partner left for work to come over.  When I would answer the door he would go ahead and enter my home and begin asking me to store his equipment and extra household items while walking through the house to show me that I had the room and space to do so.  His defense was that the people living there before supported his wishes and so should we.  We didn’t of course and they sold and moved!

#3 – Neighbors who can speak English until they can’t in Oaklands!

In this third one, I find my own reactions are not as extreme as they have been in the past and that I am more resilient.  One new aspect of my reaction is my sense of humor!   Rather that going into the right and wrong thoughts in my head as in the past, I am more aware of my needs and those of my neighbors.  I imagine these neighbors are not aware of their needs as in reaction their solution is to not speak English.  In discussion they respond in angry loud voices.  I have two requests of  them.  One request is to not enter onto my side of the fence without checking in with me first and  the second is  to fix the fence that is falling over into my yard. This angers them as I am holding them accountable for broken plants, lights and gardening features along that side of the fence when they try to trim the top of the hedge that is too high for them.  At one point the tree tops falling onto my side where six feet in length.  They didn’t check to see what was or who was on my side before topping it.  They also have appeared in the yard to inspect other parts of my garden without cause or reason without checking in first.

A year ago their fence fell onto  my driveway where I park, however I just happened to not park there that one night.  Luckily as my car would have been damaged.  A year later they haven’t fixed the remaining fence line!

In the pictures above this is their latest attempt at trimming the hedge, which I can only imagine was done as a result of anger.  However, they did not realize the consequences of their actions.  They will now have to pay for a fence panel to cover this open space.  Money that they have tried to save by not fixing the original fence and not professionally topping the hedge that is becoming dangerous. This would have riled me up in the past, however, I can only smile.  “It is a tragic expression,”as Marshall Rosenberg would say, “of unmet needs!”


How can you detach and not get so caught up in your emotions in your relationships with your neighbors?

Two ways that I have come to this place of calmer logic with less hostility are:

  • practicing a value based language of honesty and respect along with a practice of learning to listen to what’s really going on underneath the reactions

and

  • learning what the significance of placement on one’s property is in relationship to life and experiences in support to improving ones lifestyle  (for instance in example three above, I will turn this into lemonade!)

Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people. R
Lifescapes (Landscapes)

 

Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children