Category Archives: Relationships

Parent – Child Relationship Transformational Cycle transcends species

by Renee Lindstrom
A year ago this month I received a call for help from one of my own kids.  They no longer lived on Vancouver Island so it wasn’t as though I could go and rescue them!  In the ongoing telephone calls of support I learned of a cat that this kid found solace with.  I loved that cat sight unseen!

As plans were made to helicopter this kid out of this situation, I realized the cat would be left, however, I knew that she would be visiting me at some point.  Two to three months later this kid came to stay with me and we made plans to pick up the cat.

The arrival of this small cat was interesting.  She entered as a warrior and strutted around the house like she owned it even though she had never seen it before.  Her tail stood straight out for days and was hard and inflexible.  She behaved like a feral cat.  After two weeks I stood looking at her and told myself that I had to let her go.  I told myself I couldn’t tolerate this and that I had given her enough, yet she hadn’t changed.  Then another inner voice questioned me and said,  “Really! What about the empathy that you have for your students and clients that help them experience transformation.”

Hearing that question I committed to not labeling this cat and to become more empathetic with her.    I realized that her behavior was scaring me.  I had expected a warm and loving cat and what came was a distant, cold warrior! So I became warm and loving.  I anticipated her needs until she began asking for things that she needed. They was an immediate shift!  One day she came up to me at eye level and searched my eyes for a long time.  I can only imagine that she was seeking reassurance.  Over this year I have witnessed and experienced  a complete  transformation as she settles.  She still has a wild nature however I am learning that means she needs to play!

I would have never thought I would become that person who talks about her cat. Well I do!  My other kid who still lives off the island, which means our visits are by phone and on-line,  receives many pictures and stories of the latest heart warming moments with this cat  I experience!

As the anniversary date approaches I have become aware that the kid that came home has also gone through their own transformation.  Prior to coming home I gave some consideration to their status as my kid.  I wondered  and worried if it was my job to tell them everything they were doing wrong and what they needed to fix.  You know,  being mom!  Well I quickly threw that thought into the rubbish!  I decided to accept, empathize and to love unconditionally.  However, what I did decide to do is ask for my needs to be met as they arose in the present!

I began to listen for their needs more closely.  As the kitty cat transformed, so did this kid.  There is more confidence, self-respect, self-assurance and self-love demonstrated. Rather than impart my wisdom on what I think they should be doing, they approach me when they are ready and ask for empathy and/or advice.  The story that unfolds in front of me is of how they are managing their relationships differently and being more assertive in creating their own boundaries in a non-violent or abusive way.  They are also addressing the abusive nature of others reactions in a clear more productive way!

Don’t get me wrong, I do ask questions way about some things that are important for me and that I think could benefit them, however it is not in a way that they feel I know what’s best for them.  It is simply a check in to find out what is important for them.

As my youngest left home, I had four months on my own without kids.  Having this one move back was a no-brain-or for me however, I wondered what it would mean.  You know, what would I have to give up?  Well I am happy to admit to you and myself that I have gained a loving and supportive relationship with a kid that I thought I had lost as they went their own way.

One of the ways that deepened this relationship was their observation of how I was with their cat, believe it or not.  Many times I saw them look at the two of us, the cat and I, in a funny way.  They had left home with a perception of mom that was based upon their own experience of wanting (not getting their needs met).  Now they where actually witnessing a different pattern than what they interpreted in their teen years when we had opposing needs! As they started to recognize the loving connection between the cat and I, they allowed themselves to experience the loving connection that they didn’t know or forgotten was there!

This cat has created the experience that I imagine most moms and kids experience with grand-babies!    Taking care of my own children gave me the opportunity to have empathy for my own parents and now I wonder if grand-babies would also enhance compassion and understanding!  My parents were gone prior to the birth of my children so I will have to experience it with my kids, kids!

What about your parenting experiences?  Are you letting your children have autonomy?  Are you building relationships with your young adult children or are you still trying to parent them?

I began a personal practice of Nonviolent Communication in my home in 2001. My children where five and 7 and one – half years old.  I believe those studying Nonviolent Communication in the Greater Victoria Region all began in around 1999.  For me, I believe my children and others whose parents began studying at the same time,  have been immersed in this communication through the modeling of the parents through out their life. Therefore it is in their behavior and apart of their cultural understanding.    I have observed a huge difference in their behavior and that of  myself and those I grew up with.
Renee Lindstrom

Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

‘Imagining in your relationship’

2016-03-26 10.02.35-1

When you have decided upon the type of relationship you would like to enjoy, create a reflection of this in your relationship corner.  Remember to use groupings of two.

Remember that when you stop blaming outside influences for your lack of connecting to the perfect relationship situation, this is when you are seriously ready to do the work to meet your hearts desire.  The work begins by being clear and committed to the qualities you are seeking in a partner.  Once you determine these qualities the next question is, “Do you have these qualities yourself.”


Find Renee of Inside Awareness on twitter, linkedin, facebook, pinterest, & instagram 

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 2015


Personal Message in my in box this morning. I expect they aren’t aware of my focus in my community!

Hello beautiful, i just came across your profile here. I would like to be friends with you. I want you to know that you are a very beautiful and attractive woman and you are a woman with a difference, what i see in you i have never seen in any other woman. Your beauty is exceptional. And your beauty is one in a million in this world. I will be so honored to be your friend sweetheart. You are the best beauty of your kind. Looking forward to read from you soon and get to know you better. Warm hugs and kisses to you.

This message was waiting for me this morning from my Google plus account.  In my Removing Obstacles to Love Workshop this week a participant spoke about a scam she encountered and how it affected her.  We used this scenario in a role play to connect to the needs that where not met.

I mentioned to the group afterwards how someone could take the online photo’s   and do a Google search to find out if they had been used in other profiles.


Click on the picture  to enlarge it and then right-click twice on your mouse in rapid succession.  Options will come up that will include a search for similar photo’s.  Click that option and you may be surprised to find the same picture several times with different profile names.

I have in the past reported these to Google plus, however, they have now made it harder to report scammers.  They want the person whose picture that is being used to report it now.  This gives the scammers an edge.  Now I simply block these accounts.

The above message came from a John Miguel. I would ask my community members to watch for this account to pop in their networks as their goal is  to become friends and then go through your friends searching for targets.

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 201


Overcoming sexual blocks through Somatic Movement!


couple-814825_960_720As my practice matures, there seems to be more ease for clients & students to open to their  sexual shame and deep-rooted beliefs that have been implanted by themselves and others that no longer serve them.

In movement my experience is that  sexual shame or issues are expressed through the automatic blocking of a movement. In other words, one’s brain has been trained to not allow certain movements. As the Feldenkrais Method is gentle and conscious, (not outer worldly or orientated around dogma), logic is available to begin to notice the connection of the mind stopping a movement.   When one notices a blocked pattern of movement and experiences that they are able to move easily through it, they can increase their ability to move in a certain way!   This is the point in ones Feldenkrais journey that I generally find honest and value-based communication to make a huge contribution.   If there is an urge to talk, the dialogue is limited to what the feelings and needs are now in the moment.  If there is no talking at it or story telling the experience can move into feelings of acceptance and forgiveness.  

With no stories high jacking the present moment experience away to the past, there is increased  inner safety achieved. In that second of observing whatever it was blocking the mind, something new replaces it.  Some of the feedback over days and weeks – amazing!  The movement and language for me is the deepest empathy experience on the planet.

I have witnessed movement difficulties for women have not only been difficult sexual experiences with others but that they have themselves compromised their sexual integrity by submitting to sex when they didn’t want to but felt they had to.

In men I have witnessed judgement, self comparisons and low self-esteem.  As women, we have an urge to share our history with our partners which includes our sexual prowess, however, it diminishes their sense of being good enough!

In love and empathy singles/couple coaching, mentoring and classes I am pleasantly surprised at the level of sexual honesty that is emerging. It is powerful and liberating to talk about sex as a need. As important as water and air! My joy is to introduce it using Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.  I notice a difference  in the participants as in the introduction of basic levels of survival sex and the higher attainment levels.  When one is meeting greater needs,  there is more conscious awareness and heightened sexual life achievement!  It introduces conscious options and choices.  

  1.  Basic Sex – Disconnected to self and others (less ethics & integrity)
  2.  Heighten Achievement – Connected to self and partner (increased integrity & ethics)

In personal living spaces the focus of the occupants is telling through what is expressed in their surroundings.  If there balance between couples (and children) as well as their interests, sexual gratification will also be a struggle of balance between the two.

In all three approaches there is a focus on creating a power with relationship through inner reflection of out-ward actions..

  • Movement Action –  brain, body, emotional & mindful awareness
  • Mindful Action – awareness of  thoughts, emotions & responses
  • Environment – stimulus for generating responses & reactions

Explore unique ways of slowing down to check in and notice where your focus of attention is.  
This mindfulness of inner alignment can enhance your life experiences.
Techniques:  Intentional Actions with Goal Setting, InTouch Relationships & Communication, Awareness Through Movement with Feldenkrais® Method
Read more on upcoming workshops 
Connect to book a personal movement, coaching or consulting session!

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 201


‘Empowered Relationships’

Happy_Couple[1]Empowered relationships begin with one’s personal deepened connection to their own personal values.  Knowing our values and trusting them to guide us gives us the strength and willpower to be true to ourselves!  This foundation is key for an interdependent relationship that is life enriching for both our partners and ourselves!


Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 2015


How is it for others if you are not flowing in and out of being both leader and follower

REMEMBER if you are always giving in and going along with things, your partner, friends, peers, etc., are going to lose interest.  Boring!

REMEMBER if you are always putting yourself first and not listening to what others think, your partner, friends, peers, etc., are going to lose interest.  Boring!

Wake up

5 Steps to invest in your relationships…..




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