Category Archives: Relationships

A Relationship Out of Balance

YinYang

Typical Love /Partnership
In a new relationship a dominate yin personality may let things slide.  They are enjoying themselves and expect that things will change. When the fun leaves and there is no change, the dominate yin try’s to make changes by talking about it.  They seek therapy and solutions,  or become submissive by putting up and shutting up and living in unhappy circumstances.  They may either end the relationship or live life without spirit.When a dominate yang personality starts a relationship it is fun, exciting and all about them.  They are usually not good listeners and rarely take in what is meaningful for the other person in the relationship.  When things go south they will be surprised and/or uncomfortable with hearing what they consider judgment or criticism.  Rather than connect to the message they will go into right or wrong thinking and blame others and withdraw. Opposite of a dominate yin who will want to talk about it, resolve it and move on.   The denial will turn into shock and disbelief when the relationship ends.  At this point they may be ready to work on it, not realizing the yin has truly moved on!

Sound familiar?  Translate this scenario into any situation with your sisters, brothers, peers, etc.

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Are you a leader, follower or both?

BalanceSometimes we are leaders and sometimes we are followers in relationships! If we are in balance, we are always in motion and flowing in and out of planning and action.  To describe this balance in the popular terms of yin and yang lets first look at their attitudes:  We could also describe these two dominate behavioral types as round (yin) and sharp edges (yang).

Yin & Yang attitudes


  • Balanced Yin     

         Listener, Patient, Planner, Quiet, reflective, empathetic, collaborative,         willing to follow, glow from the inside

  • Balanced Yang         

Speaker, Spontaneous, Quick, Energized, Strategist, Outgoing, strong ideals, willing leader shine from the outside

  • Unbalanced Yin

           Depressed, Withdrawn, Internalize, Hurt, Sad,
Death Wish

  • Unbalanced Yang

Aggressive, Loud, Angry, Anxious, Externalize, Vengeful, Closed, Compartmentalize, Rigid, Take ones life,

Not a complete list ~ add your own descriptions.….
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Top 7 signs your love relationship is struggling

RelationshipSo much of your time in being a twosome is spend taking care of things and being busy.  You both have schedules of your own and one with your  partner and  children if you have any.  You know when family chores have to be done,  when bills need to be paid and when anyone is unwell or sick.  You strive to have a healthy home and family.  But in these efforts to live  a family life, you often overlook the glue that holds your  family together.  The  intimacy in your  relationship that makes you a couple.  Everything around you may be nice but your relationship is suffering and needs tending and care.  What are the telltale signs that your relationship is struggling?

1.     Fear & Resentment

You know there are things you should be doing to help your relationship thrive, but you avoid them because they make you uncomfortable.  Maybe they don’t seem interesting or naturally compelling or you believe in “following your joy”. You feel less confident about speaking up about issues that are important to you and put them on the back burner. You may choose the path of least resistance, least risk and least learning or effort until it is a crisis. With the added pressure and stress of a crisis, it is hard to do anything effectively or authentically when driven by fear. It’s a vicious cycle and waste of time and peace of mind.

2.  Avoiding Issues in Your Relationship

Your relationship with your partner is unpredictable and wearing thin. You don’t have a clear sense of what is expected of you or what you expect yourself in each moment. You love your home, your children, your community, but at times you put your head in the sand when it comes to really knowing “where things are at” between you and your partner.  You don’t know how to develop intimacy in your relationship.  You have had more than your share of lost opportunities to be valued by your partner or to value them.  The ego loves ambiguity and uses it to create stress and worry, robbing you of joy in your relationship.

3.      When Meaning is Missing  from Your Relationship

When you have put aside your faith or life philosophy for the relationship and if it is not the inner source for your actions  it creates a compartmentalized life. Cut off from intention and  source of what motivates you, your relationship can start to feel devoid of inspiration and purpose, resulting in depressed daily functions.   This is often when partners say they feel alone in their relationship, with heavy burdens on their shoulders, contributing to relationships burnout.

4.      Walking in the Disconnected Relationship

This is when relationships feels like work and as though there is no purpose. Your marriage can feel like there is no mutuality and that there is no point of connection.  It is not easy and you feel like it takes huge effort just to get the smallest thing done. You feel resentment when considering how much effort, time and energy your relationship requires. You may secretly wish you could cancel your marriage.  You have lost the memory of  the positive aspects of what you once loved in being a couple.  This is relationship burnout.

5.      You Feel Abandoned and Alone

You don’t know where to turn or how to start.  You feel frustrated at putting effort into this, or the efforts you are making are not yielding results. You feel discomfort, concern or fear when you and your partner move farther apart or disagree.   In the absence of a thriving relationship in your marriage you begin to feel like anyone else would be a better match for you.   You have lost track of you and the integrity of your commitment.  You secretly hope that a new partner will have the qualities that you feel are lacking in your current relationship.  You believe you should be enough and that you deserve to be loved and feel the affection that has been lost and that you will find this in a new partner.  Sadly, we know that is not the case.

6.      Current Communication Sucks

You are angry and hurt that your partner is not fulfilling your needs and that your relationship does not show your true self. You don’t care if your partner is getting their needs met in your relationships or not, yet you do care about what they are doing.  You may begin to control everything to try and find the support you need without considering what they need or even to consider if they want to take part. Physical intimacy is a source of guilt and anxiety.   If you haven’t had successful moments of intimacy in your communication experiences you may have become restrictive with your affection towards one another.    Things are beginning to fall apart and you can’t keep on top of it.  You may come up with ideas to fix things, such as replacing furniture, changing your address, increasing your family in some way, seeking therapy all the while hoping it will work this time! You may feel like circumstances are working against you more than they are working for you. Good news is, this is a pretty easy fix if you are ready, willing and committed.

7.      Bad Communication

You tend to seek help when you realize that you are about to separate, maybe become divorced and lose everything you have worked for.  Your goals have only ever considered your financial future and where you want to be financially in the future, where you will live, where your children will go to college and your retirement.  You have never had clear relationships goals and no planning has gone into what make your relationship harmonious and one that equally values each person.  There are no clearly established agreements that support what is meaningful for each partner.  Somewhere an unspoken assumption is that one partner has to do what the other wants and give up their dream as we have been taught there is a winner and a looser.  We have never experienced two winners in a relationship before so how would we know how to create this in our own relationships?  Without the skills to create a relationship that each partner equally matters, you feel frustrated at the reality that learning how to do this is actually an ongoing process of building trust so that you can experience intimacy and rapport. It will need constant nurturing and attention for most of the life of your relationship.

As a fellow human being who loves being in relationships, I have had times in my life when I  have experienced relationships when they were not in balance, resulted in separation and divorce.   On a daily basis, clients come for support to regain wellness and balance.  Most times it is  the end of their relationship and not at the beginning or middle when it would be time to seek support to create wellness in the relationships now for future sustainability.  If your marriage is in the spirit of who you are, what you do is the relationship.  You need wellness in both to create thriving intimate relationship.

At getting Intouch Coaching, I specialize in helping partners in relationships move into healthy balance to create thriving and intimate relationships mentally, emotionally and physically.  Connect with me at Inside Awareness for Healthy Living to find out how to increase the vitality in your relationship.  Isn’t now the time to begin to take the steps and make the effort where it really matters?  In the center point from which all your experiences start from?  Contact info is renee (at) insideawareness (dot) com or two,five,zero-three,six,one-seven,five,zero,eight.

 

Intimacy ~ Art of Listening and the responsibility of the speaker

Listening changes when the space is created to feel supported by everyone in the group while, at the same time, hearing “new information on how to listen” and having the courage to participate in the guided practice suggestions without worrying about right and wrong ways of speaking.                                     Renee Lindstrom

There is joy in working with individuals committed to improving the intimacy in their relationships.  It is not the traditional sharing circle of going on and on about our stories and talking about it!  The learning comes through the experience of sharing in a precise pattern of speaking and listening to increase the potential of spontaneous vulnerability and freedom of speech.  There are no rituals, feathers, labels, conditions or talk therapy!

Our  learning time together become a unified experience of a series of planned practices designed to learn through the experience itself.  In the  closing  feedback  I hear unique and individual comments of learning that is coming from their own source of creative expression.  The tools have laid out a pattern for exploring deeper within and the awareness that is expressed is simple, intimate and beautiful.  It is easy for the ears of others to really take it in!  

The members of the group  now have a new memory experience to notice the differences of their interactions with their partner through the week until we met again.  Mission accomplished and we didn’t have to go on 3, 7 or 9 day  retreat, be healed or fixed, or hand ourselves over to any higher power or focus upon our conditions.   A set of intimacy tools that can be taught easily and be yours by your willingness to experience it.  

To find out more about how to experience personal clarity and power in your world – inquire by email – renee(at)insideawareness(dot)com.

“Relationships are not the cars, houses and house keeping”

Imagine facial expressions of anticipation and a long  moment of silence following this comment at our couples gathering.  The reason we had gathered was  to learn more on how to deepen our affectionate and intimate relationships.  I suggested that  these things represent our personal and joint material (physical) wants and needs.

So what is a *relationship?  This is going to be our exploration  over the next six weeks.  Everyone left curious and willing to do their home work for our next Friday night together.

 Can you sit down with your partner and discuss what is meaningful and important to you in your relationship without making it about them?

  • Example of what not to say if you want intimate connection:  I want you to be more……., I want you to do………

Can you then hear them share back what is meaningful and important to them in your relationship together without making it about you?  

  • Example of what not to say if you want more affection:  You want me to be more……..,  You say I am being………….

Can you both sit with these points, even the differences, and hold them equally as important?

  • Example of what not to say if you want to experience the same bedroom intimacy into real life time or keep experiencing bedroom intimacy!   Trust me if it is not in real life time that will be lost over time too!  What you want is more important than what I want……….., What I want is greater than what you want……

If this is a new concept and your curious, connect.  Ask about this gathering opportunity, upcoming possibilities or  private coaching.

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Wikipedia Definition of Intimate Relationships:

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An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic or passionate attachment or sexual activity. The term intimate relationship is also sometimes used euphemistically for a sexual relationship.

Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience.  Humans have a general desire to belong and to love which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship.  Intimate relationships involve physical and sexual attraction between people, liking and loving, romantic feelings, and sexual relationships, as well as the seeking of one or more mates and emotional and personal support for the members.  Intimate relationships provide a social network for people that provide strong emotional attachments, and fulfill our universal need of belonging and the need to be cared for.

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by:  Renee Lindstrom – getting InTouch – Relationship Wellness Series