At Speaking Peace workshops we introduce words that are sometimes mistaken as feelings. These words are actually evaluative experiences that are added in our statements after the words, “I feel…..,” or “I felt….” Our workshop exercise is to identify the true emotion and consider the unmet need creating these feelings.
An example is the word betrayed. I feel betrayed is an incorrect use as betrayed is not a feeling. It describes an experience. The feelings one might feel may be hurt, downhearted, wretched, devastated, discourages, lonely and more (see photo above for more).
Once true feelings are named our speaking peace process is to look at the unmet value needs that make be causing these feelings. These could be the need for: respect, honesty, consideration, to matter, trust, support and more (see photo for more).
Consider our Speaking Peace courses and workshop! Learn more about how to connect with more clarity, understanding and empathy!
Read more on betrayal in business experience example
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Renee Lindstrom, GCFP, Principal -Inside Awareness, Principal-Value Based Business Culture, Principal-Culture of Values
Founder-Greater Victoria Peace and Intercultural Celebrations, Founder- Labyrinths of Greater Victoria ,
Creator-#yyj Peace Week
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Betrayed, Business Communicaton, Communication, Compassionate Communication, Emotions, Evaluative Experiences, Feelings, InTouch Communication, Needs, Partnerships, Relationship Development, Resolving Conflict, Resolving Differences, Speaking Peace, Value-needs
#peacefocus & #earthfocus in schools! Labyrinth Workshop @ Brentwood Bay Elementary during World Children Summit on Peace and Nature event in May, ’15. Explored labyrinth petrogylphs, designs, leadership in walking a labyrinth that reflects universal values and emotions from met and unmet needs. Introduced universal values with Ambassador of Peace Pictures, 86 children from 86 countries art on peace. Favorite labyrinth – fingerprint!
Posted in The Teaching Labyrinth, Uncategorized
Tagged #earthfocus, #kidsleadership, #labyrinth #education, #peacefocus, #universalpeacelanguage, #yyjlabyrinths #kidslabyrinths, Culture of Values, Feelings, Kids Movement, Kids Nature connections, Movement and Peace, Nature in Schools, Needs, Peace in schools, Vancouver Island Labyrinths, World Children's Summit on Peace and Nature
When I went on line to read the definitions of the word conflict I found the focus to be on analyzing the experiences versus understanding the source of the behavior. As well, there was only focus on negative behavior. getting InTouch’s definition is quite different. It is not written from the perspective of someone’s opinion and (t/pr)eaching, but written for understanding, learning and integration of one’s own interpretation of it! The focus shifts inward for understanding and away from looking outside at external explanations. After-all, how can you integrate an analysis into your habitual behavior to change it? You can’t! You need the steps for change.
getting InTouch definition:
The term conflict is an evaluative expression of a reactive experience. It begins with perception that is filtered through opinions and beliefs which create emotion that results in a reaction or action. Conflict is a label to name an experience. It is not limited to negative experiences. Conflict occurs when there is an interruption to one’s ordinary experience in the moment. It is not the resulting behavior. It is one’s unique *perspective and emotions that arise with met or unmet needs that then is followed by the action taken to meet that need. This is then what creates conflict for others.
*Our perspective and emotions are unique to us and learned from our own personal background of learning, faith and family history. No one else has the same unique perspective.
- Simple examples that all happened while writing this post:
1. Conflict between two people:
My daughter interrupts my work to ask me my opinion about a program we watched the night before and when I share my opinion she raises her voice and tells me I am wrong. Feeling impatient I simply cut her off and say, “Forget it, I am not having this conversation now!” My conflict is that my needs for ease and peace to focus on my work are not being met and I am frustrated. We do not have a connection as neither of our needs are met! She interrupted me to have a connection herself and when she didn’t agree with my interpretation my resulting reaction would create pain for her. Her need would not have been met and there would be consequences. She’s hurt and angry.
2. Inner conflict and conflict between two people:
The same daughter interrupts me later to give me affection and we hug. I have a need met for connection and I also have a need to focus on my work. Therefore I experience a conflict in the moment of these two sets of needs. I feel loving and rushed at the same time. She may feel disappointed and confused at not having my full attention yet also had her need for touch is met.
3. Conflict with connection:
My daughter is dancing while I am working and I stop to watch. I smile at the pleasure I am feeling and she comes over for a soft hug and we connect in a warm and joyful way. I still have a need to continue to work yet in the moment connecting with her was a greater need. She responded and her need was met in the moment.
Conflict happens at the level of perception and experiencing the emotions, followed by the actions we take (or not take) to met our needs.
Imagine if we began to learn our behavior and stopped analyzing and judging it! We’d be the change we want to be in the world!
Renee Lindstrom – 10/27/13