Tag Archives: society

Top 7 signs your love relationship is struggling

RelationshipSo much of your time in being a twosome is spend taking care of things and being busy.  You both have schedules of your own and one with your  partner and  children if you have any.  You know when family chores have to be done,  when bills need to be paid and when anyone is unwell or sick.  You strive to have a healthy home and family.  But in these efforts to live  a family life, you often overlook the glue that holds your  family together.  The  intimacy in your  relationship that makes you a couple.  Everything around you may be nice but your relationship is suffering and needs tending and care.  What are the telltale signs that your relationship is struggling?

1.     Fear & Resentment

You know there are things you should be doing to help your relationship thrive, but you avoid them because they make you uncomfortable.  Maybe they don’t seem interesting or naturally compelling or you believe in “following your joy”. You feel less confident about speaking up about issues that are important to you and put them on the back burner. You may choose the path of least resistance, least risk and least learning or effort until it is a crisis. With the added pressure and stress of a crisis, it is hard to do anything effectively or authentically when driven by fear. It’s a vicious cycle and waste of time and peace of mind.

2.  Avoiding Issues in Your Relationship

Your relationship with your partner is unpredictable and wearing thin. You don’t have a clear sense of what is expected of you or what you expect yourself in each moment. You love your home, your children, your community, but at times you put your head in the sand when it comes to really knowing “where things are at” between you and your partner.  You don’t know how to develop intimacy in your relationship.  You have had more than your share of lost opportunities to be valued by your partner or to value them.  The ego loves ambiguity and uses it to create stress and worry, robbing you of joy in your relationship.

3.      When Meaning is Missing  from Your Relationship

When you have put aside your faith or life philosophy for the relationship and if it is not the inner source for your actions  it creates a compartmentalized life. Cut off from intention and  source of what motivates you, your relationship can start to feel devoid of inspiration and purpose, resulting in depressed daily functions.   This is often when partners say they feel alone in their relationship, with heavy burdens on their shoulders, contributing to relationships burnout.

4.      Walking in the Disconnected Relationship

This is when relationships feels like work and as though there is no purpose. Your marriage can feel like there is no mutuality and that there is no point of connection.  It is not easy and you feel like it takes huge effort just to get the smallest thing done. You feel resentment when considering how much effort, time and energy your relationship requires. You may secretly wish you could cancel your marriage.  You have lost the memory of  the positive aspects of what you once loved in being a couple.  This is relationship burnout.

5.      You Feel Abandoned and Alone

You don’t know where to turn or how to start.  You feel frustrated at putting effort into this, or the efforts you are making are not yielding results. You feel discomfort, concern or fear when you and your partner move farther apart or disagree.   In the absence of a thriving relationship in your marriage you begin to feel like anyone else would be a better match for you.   You have lost track of you and the integrity of your commitment.  You secretly hope that a new partner will have the qualities that you feel are lacking in your current relationship.  You believe you should be enough and that you deserve to be loved and feel the affection that has been lost and that you will find this in a new partner.  Sadly, we know that is not the case.

6.      Current Communication Sucks

You are angry and hurt that your partner is not fulfilling your needs and that your relationship does not show your true self. You don’t care if your partner is getting their needs met in your relationships or not, yet you do care about what they are doing.  You may begin to control everything to try and find the support you need without considering what they need or even to consider if they want to take part. Physical intimacy is a source of guilt and anxiety.   If you haven’t had successful moments of intimacy in your communication experiences you may have become restrictive with your affection towards one another.    Things are beginning to fall apart and you can’t keep on top of it.  You may come up with ideas to fix things, such as replacing furniture, changing your address, increasing your family in some way, seeking therapy all the while hoping it will work this time! You may feel like circumstances are working against you more than they are working for you. Good news is, this is a pretty easy fix if you are ready, willing and committed.

7.      Bad Communication

You tend to seek help when you realize that you are about to separate, maybe become divorced and lose everything you have worked for.  Your goals have only ever considered your financial future and where you want to be financially in the future, where you will live, where your children will go to college and your retirement.  You have never had clear relationships goals and no planning has gone into what make your relationship harmonious and one that equally values each person.  There are no clearly established agreements that support what is meaningful for each partner.  Somewhere an unspoken assumption is that one partner has to do what the other wants and give up their dream as we have been taught there is a winner and a looser.  We have never experienced two winners in a relationship before so how would we know how to create this in our own relationships?  Without the skills to create a relationship that each partner equally matters, you feel frustrated at the reality that learning how to do this is actually an ongoing process of building trust so that you can experience intimacy and rapport. It will need constant nurturing and attention for most of the life of your relationship.

As a fellow human being who loves being in relationships, I have had times in my life when I  have experienced relationships when they were not in balance, resulted in separation and divorce.   On a daily basis, clients come for support to regain wellness and balance.  Most times it is  the end of their relationship and not at the beginning or middle when it would be time to seek support to create wellness in the relationships now for future sustainability.  If your marriage is in the spirit of who you are, what you do is the relationship.  You need wellness in both to create thriving intimate relationship.

At getting Intouch Coaching, I specialize in helping partners in relationships move into healthy balance to create thriving and intimate relationships mentally, emotionally and physically.  Connect with me at Inside Awareness for Healthy Living to find out how to increase the vitality in your relationship.  Isn’t now the time to begin to take the steps and make the effort where it really matters?  In the center point from which all your experiences start from?  Contact info is renee (at) insideawareness (dot) com or two,five,zero-three,six,one-seven,five,zero,eight.


Embodiment of Scarcity ~ Awareness in Thinking

Definition of Scarcity: a small and inadequate amount, insufficiency of amount or supply; shortage

Nouns: shortage, lack, deficiency, poverty, want, insufficiency, infrequency, under-supply, rareness

Embodiment of Scarcity Consciousness:

  • Life is scarce with limited resources?
  • There isn’t enough to go around.
  • Can’t have what you want or others will be deprived.
  • Greediness and self-aggrandizement

Behavior of Scarcity Consciousness:

  • Moralistic judgements
  • Blame & Shame
  • Fear
  • Deny responsibility
  • Demands
  • Right and Wrong Thinking
  • Conflicts
  • Bullying

How do you embody the qualities of  Scarcity?

Motivation:   Reflect for a moment about whether you are aware that you can have a choice to have the pattern of thoughts that you think.  If  you are unaware that you have a choice, consider  the motivation for your current experiences.  Have you consciously made a decision to behave the way you do or do you do it automatically?

Success: How do you measure success?  Is it through having power over others to win so that there is always a winner and looser?  Consider a moment if you are enjoying your relationships with your partner, peers, employer, children.  Reflect on your self-value, confidence, respect, fear, stress and if your world is a safe place.

Integration:  If you do not understand your process of  what is creating your thoughts and your reactions you are behaving from an unconscious position.  A position that is a result  of  what you have experienced through your culture from others.

Your thought training has come from all the things that you have been told by your first family (mom, dad, siblings), extended family, teachers, friends, peers, and partners and now influenced by what you have viewed in movies, on T.V. and now internet.  This modeling has developed your brain’s self-image of who your are based on what you have been told about yourself from others!

Some tips for checking in follow:

  • Thinking ~ Do you think in terms of right and wrong?  Do you judge others for their appearance, station in life and how they behave?  Do your thoughts compare you to what you see others have and you don’t?
  • Behaviour ~ Do you speak in sentences of scarcity  consciousness? Do you say to others that you are right and they are wrong?  Do you get angry when you hear others share their opinion?  Do you interrupt others to tell your story?
  • Action Beyond Self Image ~ Do you understand the separation between how you feel about yourself ,  what you are thinking and what you actually say to others?  If you feel worthless, like a fraud and defective how you perceive your world will be through this self-image.  Can you separate your self-image from your actions?

Longing for a shift into another choice of experiencing that includes the brain development that you missed that is if your early training  is a result of staying fixed in the pattern of right and wrong?  For information on another experience of  abundance consciousness go to Embodiment of Abundance.  

If you are interested in how to become more articulate in creating a shift of consciousness, one that starts with how to speak it to create the brain shift,  Renee offers personal coaching, private and organized group lessons.  Imagine if your partner, peers, employers/ees spoke from a place of abundance mentality.  Once of the greatest values that would be demonstrated would be respect for others and self!

Post by Renee Lindstrom, for Inside Awareness for Healthy Living October 30th, 2012

Follow Renee on Facebook  & on Twitter

Embodiment of Abundance ~ Awareness in Thinking

Definition of Abundance: an extremely  plentiful over-sufficient quantity or supply, overflowing fullness, affluence; wealth.  Abundance is the noun of Abundant.

Embodiment of Abundance Consciousness:

  • Life is abundant
  • There is more than enough to go around.
  • I can have what I need and so can others.

Behavior of Abundance Consciousness:

  • Mutuality
  • Equal balance of giving and receiving,
  • Exclusivity of all regardless of age, rage, rank, male or female

How do you embody the qualities of Abundance?

Motivation:  Begin by considering your longing to live in a state of  abundance consciousness.  Connect to your original motivator to choose a shift towards abundant thinking.  What was the attraction?

Success:  If you have thought that by setting an intention for abundance with expectations of receiving it,  reflect on the success you have had of drawing abundance into your life and keeping it.

Integration:  Now consider how you have integrated the qualities of abundance into your experiences and relationships.  Has it been through ritual of writing out affirmations, gatherings for creating abundance visions or simply making statements to self and others.

We are hearing that we are what we think we are.  Simply replacing the story isn’t as easy as we would like it to be.  Thinking we are now going to be living a life of abundance doesn’t replace our earlier thoughts that we have learned since childhood, it simply adds more story.  It is the stories we have learned since childhood that we are habitually acting from.

The self reflection then becomes,  are you connecting and creating the same beauty in your relationships as what motivated you to set an intention to live as though life was abundant.  How are you and others  around you enjoying this world?

Some tips for checking in follow:

  • Thinking ~ Do your mind thoughts and their sentence structure  reflect abundance consciousness?
  • Behavior ~ Do you speak in sentences of abundance consciousness?
  • Action Beyond Self Image ~ Do you understand the relationship between thinking abundance and behaving abundance? (Behaving abundance in this sense it not    empathy of prayer, mediation and gathering together for a cause, it is about those praying, gathering and mediating and their ability to spontaneously  identify and shift their personal  judgement, blaming and demands in the moment while in every day one on one interactions.)

If you are interested in how to become more articulate in creating a shift of consciousness into an abundant one that starts with how to speak it to create the brain shift Renee offers personal coaching, private and organized group lessons.  Imagine if your partner, peers, employers/ees spoke from a place of abundance mentality.  Once of the greatest values that would be demonstrated would be respect for others and self!

Post by Renee Lindstrom, for Inside Awareness for Healthy Living October 30th, 2012

Follow Renee on Facebook  & on Twitter


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About Parenting Approach with Compassion and Empathy ~ Nonviolence Literacy Series


‘Unity is beyond…..

‘Unity is a space of unison  beyond  comparing into being with another’s experience at the level of humanity each of you values’    Renee Lindstrom

Parents, when you fight with your partner, what do you tell the kids?

Parents do you go and talk to your kids after they hear or see you fight and talk to them about how it was for them to have been in this experience?  Do you help them with identifying their feelings and sharing what needs they had in the moments of the fight?

Do you try to tell them what the fight was about and get them to pick sides or do you tell them truthfully what you are feeling about them experiencing the fight with you?   Such as regret and sadness that you didn’t met their needs for safety?  Once you and the child connect to theirs and your needs about the fighting experience you simply might say that you and partner had needs that were not being met and that the frustration came out in the behavior that was demonstrated.   Do children need to know adults stories or do they simply need to know you care about them and that it is normal to have frustration?  What’s important might be how you model the process of dealing with the frustration and not the frustration itself.  Be truthful about the behavior scaring you if in fact it did and begin teaching them the feelings that go with different behaviors without making the behaviors threatening.  Normalizing the behavior through the process of coming  to understand it begins to defuse the level of fear attached to it and its power, opening the door to future mediation skills in moments they may face anger.

Turn these moments into teachable experiences and explore it and not feed the fear.