Tag Archives: Value Based Communication

Have you considered where you would like to be in your relationship in 2016? or find one?

Valentines Day

Saint Valentine has come to be known as the patron saint of lovers

Valentine, who was executed in the 3rd century for performing Christian marriages,  has prompted feasts to celebrate love and happiness

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner!  It’s Sunday, Feb 14th, 2016!

Have you been Looking for ‘love’ in all the wrong places?  One of our primal instincts is to be in relationship.  Instinctive knowledge that sharing our experiences with another being that we consider our perfect mate drives us!

Have you considered where you would like to be in your relationship in 2016?  Getting back to consciously creating your loving experiences begins with consideration of what you desire.  Once you create an image of what you wish for pay attention to manifesting it.

Follow natures rhythms for manifesting your desires for 2016.  Nature flora and fauna have already harvested their  seeds for 2016 and now well into their rejuvenation cycle preparing for new growth next year!  Co-create with nature by following this powerful cycle.  Start by reflecting on your love dream first.  Write it out and talk it out loud.  Begin to make it real by taking it out of your head and into reality.

Here are some opportunities for connecting and coming together in  new and unique ways for making relationships adventures that you can export and support finding new love connections.




2013-12-16 16.52.18

Wedding Labyrinth – see more 

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 2015

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‘Epic Empty Nest-er Transitions’


It’s no secret that my kids are the first generation kids who had one parent practicing a value based model of communication that began when they were beginning elementary school.  A model of communication learned from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Author of Nonviolent Communication.

Practicing this model of  communication at home has been a different experience than teaching it to others or being taught it.  The difference has been embodying it as the cultural foundation of our lifestyle and relationships.  Therefore our families learning has been through integrating our practice.

Travelling the path of transitioning from one consciousness to another was filled with immediate experiences and this mom did not know, or consider, the impact of any future outcomes.  The focus was learning with each interaction as it happened.  The beauty was the outcomes and the struggle was the extra brain effort to get there.  From teaching experiences it seems the brain is a lazy muscle and loves being attached to what it knows that ultimately blocks learning anything new! Hence the effort.

This mom quickly realized that it did not stop the adventures of childhood that were not particularity agreeable, however, what was different was the interactions between parent and child.  Spoken and unspoken communication between this mom and her children was deeper, connected and open, even in our conflicts.   These children quickly learned to be honest and take responsibility for their actions versus *lie to justify them.  They also became comfortable to hold mom accountable for any communication missteps. *lie – part of this system is to track and keep going back to the point so it is hard to keep up dishonesty as we learned! 

However, trouble still exists/ed and as one child left home it was under misunderstandings and conflict.  It was mom pushing bird out of the nest and a shock to baby bird.  Luckily our value based connect was enough to transition the conflict of our differences into understanding and connection.    Now this bird is coming home for a visit  and will be bringing a mate for mom to meet.  A mate who is interested in a pursuing education in ways of doing things this mom introduced to her families culture.  Mom is curious and excited!  Better yet she was able to discuss concerns and worry at the long periods of no contact during the 18 months away without bird taking it personally!  Love this communication!  What this child hears isn’t that they have done something wrong,  rather they hear the   concern and caring of this parent.

As baby bird one is returning to visit,  number two is leaving the nest.  This news came as a surprise!  This child and mom had made an agreement that affected their future lifestyle.  Then without discussion and mutual agreement another decision was made stimulating the disappointment of unmet needs.  On a scale of 1 to 10, it was a 10 for this mom.  The amazing thing is that there was/is honesty.  There was enough caring to be in the process for as long as it took to find clarity, understanding and agreement.  It has taken three months.  What began as mom wanting to push baby gently to safely leave the nest, to baby jumping from the nest while recognizing that a relationships with mom was equally as important. Neither right or wrong, yet, we have felt our feelings and over time expressed what is alive for us.  It gave us the opportunity to talk about the things we have withheld and now our relationship is transitioning into self-reliance.  It is maturing in a healthy way whereby we are admitting our excitement and fears.

I shocked and surprised my first child and my second shocked and surprised me.  What is different for us is that we have heard messages of meaning and how important we are to each other.  In my first family the pattern was to withdraw, disconnect and isolate.   I am loving being able to achieve a different expereience.  It bring hope and joy.

Creating a new consciousness through learning to listen and speak differently does take effort in the beginning,  yet,  my experience is that it reduces the field of later conflict which is by far a bigger struggle.

It is this family experience that extended to our early childhood education expereince that led to the creation of educational programs called Culture of Values for parents, schools and classrooms.  Find out more at  Culture of Values  or follow @learningvalues or on facebook

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication Relationship & Life Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 2015

InTouch’s 2015 ‘Roots of Happiness & Success Calendar’

InTouch 2015 Calendar


  • 52  Weekly Values  
  • Setting Weekly Goals & Daily Intentions
  • Daily Contemplation
  • Practice Tips


  • 1.  As a daily agenda
  • 2.  As a personal journal and integration program
  • 3.  In a talking circle to deepen life skills

Read more on:   how to purchase InTouch ‘Roots to Happiness Calendar’ – Download by month or for complete year – 2015


InTouch’s 2015 ‘Roots of Happiness & Success Calendar’

Join Weekly Talking Circle  

InTouch Connection

Drop in or by Month ($13.00 Drop in or $40.00 by month)

Choice of #yyj Gathering or  By Webinar


  • Weekly Talking Circle with a focus on one universal value to integrate speaking with a value based intention
  • Integration of Talking Method that models Empathy Nature  and increases practice of speaking values
  • Weekly worksheets for integrating values and using goals to encourage setting daily & weekly value based intentions
  • Practice Tips
  • Daily Value Consideration

Enjoy a monthly value integration program for increasing effective communication skills, enhancing your inner well-being and relationships.

Start to experience empathy though a model that increased integrative somatic learning that becomes your natural state of listening!

Connect using form below and receive information links on how to subscribe to mentor-ship programs:



Embodiment of Scarcity ~ Awareness in Thinking

Definition of Scarcity: a small and inadequate amount, insufficiency of amount or supply; shortage

Nouns: shortage, lack, deficiency, poverty, want, insufficiency, infrequency, under-supply, rareness

Embodiment of Scarcity Consciousness:

  • Life is scarce with limited resources?
  • There isn’t enough to go around.
  • Can’t have what you want or others will be deprived.
  • Greediness and self-aggrandizement

Behavior of Scarcity Consciousness:

  • Moralistic judgements
  • Blame & Shame
  • Fear
  • Deny responsibility
  • Demands
  • Right and Wrong Thinking
  • Conflicts
  • Bullying

How do you embody the qualities of  Scarcity?

Motivation:   Reflect for a moment about whether you are aware that you can have a choice to have the pattern of thoughts that you think.  If  you are unaware that you have a choice, consider  the motivation for your current experiences.  Have you consciously made a decision to behave the way you do or do you do it automatically?

Success: How do you measure success?  Is it through having power over others to win so that there is always a winner and looser?  Consider a moment if you are enjoying your relationships with your partner, peers, employer, children.  Reflect on your self-value, confidence, respect, fear, stress and if your world is a safe place.

Integration:  If you do not understand your process of  what is creating your thoughts and your reactions you are behaving from an unconscious position.  A position that is a result  of  what you have experienced through your culture from others.

Your thought training has come from all the things that you have been told by your first family (mom, dad, siblings), extended family, teachers, friends, peers, and partners and now influenced by what you have viewed in movies, on T.V. and now internet.  This modeling has developed your brain’s self-image of who your are based on what you have been told about yourself from others!

Some tips for checking in follow:

  • Thinking ~ Do you think in terms of right and wrong?  Do you judge others for their appearance, station in life and how they behave?  Do your thoughts compare you to what you see others have and you don’t?
  • Behaviour ~ Do you speak in sentences of scarcity  consciousness? Do you say to others that you are right and they are wrong?  Do you get angry when you hear others share their opinion?  Do you interrupt others to tell your story?
  • Action Beyond Self Image ~ Do you understand the separation between how you feel about yourself ,  what you are thinking and what you actually say to others?  If you feel worthless, like a fraud and defective how you perceive your world will be through this self-image.  Can you separate your self-image from your actions?

Longing for a shift into another choice of experiencing that includes the brain development that you missed that is if your early training  is a result of staying fixed in the pattern of right and wrong?  For information on another experience of  abundance consciousness go to Embodiment of Abundance.  

If you are interested in how to become more articulate in creating a shift of consciousness, one that starts with how to speak it to create the brain shift,  Renee offers personal coaching, private and organized group lessons.  Imagine if your partner, peers, employers/ees spoke from a place of abundance mentality.  Once of the greatest values that would be demonstrated would be respect for others and self!

Post by Renee Lindstrom, for Inside Awareness for Healthy Living October 30th, 2012

Follow Renee on Facebook  & on Twitter

Embodiment of Abundance ~ Awareness in Thinking

Definition of Abundance: an extremely  plentiful over-sufficient quantity or supply, overflowing fullness, affluence; wealth.  Abundance is the noun of Abundant.

Embodiment of Abundance Consciousness:

  • Life is abundant
  • There is more than enough to go around.
  • I can have what I need and so can others.

Behavior of Abundance Consciousness:

  • Mutuality
  • Equal balance of giving and receiving,
  • Exclusivity of all regardless of age, rage, rank, male or female

How do you embody the qualities of Abundance?

Motivation:  Begin by considering your longing to live in a state of  abundance consciousness.  Connect to your original motivator to choose a shift towards abundant thinking.  What was the attraction?

Success:  If you have thought that by setting an intention for abundance with expectations of receiving it,  reflect on the success you have had of drawing abundance into your life and keeping it.

Integration:  Now consider how you have integrated the qualities of abundance into your experiences and relationships.  Has it been through ritual of writing out affirmations, gatherings for creating abundance visions or simply making statements to self and others.

We are hearing that we are what we think we are.  Simply replacing the story isn’t as easy as we would like it to be.  Thinking we are now going to be living a life of abundance doesn’t replace our earlier thoughts that we have learned since childhood, it simply adds more story.  It is the stories we have learned since childhood that we are habitually acting from.

The self reflection then becomes,  are you connecting and creating the same beauty in your relationships as what motivated you to set an intention to live as though life was abundant.  How are you and others  around you enjoying this world?

Some tips for checking in follow:

  • Thinking ~ Do your mind thoughts and their sentence structure  reflect abundance consciousness?
  • Behavior ~ Do you speak in sentences of abundance consciousness?
  • Action Beyond Self Image ~ Do you understand the relationship between thinking abundance and behaving abundance? (Behaving abundance in this sense it not    empathy of prayer, mediation and gathering together for a cause, it is about those praying, gathering and mediating and their ability to spontaneously  identify and shift their personal  judgement, blaming and demands in the moment while in every day one on one interactions.)

If you are interested in how to become more articulate in creating a shift of consciousness into an abundant one that starts with how to speak it to create the brain shift Renee offers personal coaching, private and organized group lessons.  Imagine if your partner, peers, employers/ees spoke from a place of abundance mentality.  Once of the greatest values that would be demonstrated would be respect for others and self!

Post by Renee Lindstrom, for Inside Awareness for Healthy Living October 30th, 2012

Follow Renee on Facebook  & on Twitter

Awareness Education against Bullying: My Perspective

I wanted to share my perspective on bullying with you.  I believe change can happen if we culturally begin to shift our long-term focus from first aid solutions for justice and begin to look at the root causes of bullying together with a  commitment to educate the parents and educators in our children’s lives.  
Our children learn through a process of observing what those around them are doing and mimic it.  We call this modelling.  Parents and educators do not teach a child how to roll over, sit up and come to stand as they develop movement which tells us that we (wo/man) have the ability to learn through experience and observation.  Speaking even begins with hearing those around them and babies first words are the most important ones to them like mommy or daddy.  Therefore the relationships they see around them are their sources for taking in information and learning.
As a parent myself and now sharing programs for educators and parents, what I know to be a commonly shared experience is in this statement, “We are not trained to be parents.”  I would like to add we are not trained in the art of honest expression and skills of listening.  Therefore it is my opinion that we aren’t developing healthy, understanding relationships.
Imagine for a moment a child who has met their own need for play together with a rushed parent who wants them to do something different from what they are doing, like go to bed.  How does the parent phrase it and how does the child receive the information from their parent?  Would the child hear what they are doing valued in any way?  This step is usually overlooked by busy parents, yet imagine what’s going on for the child who’s needs are not being recognized as being separate from the parents and who isn’t able to express it yet.  

As parents we may think children are demonstrating poor behavior when they are simply trying to  demonstrate and express their needs. Parents and educators have power over children in our current culture.  Power over simply means hierarchical.  Think about our organizations, business and western world in general ~ hierarchical models.

We are teaching our children dominance through existing structures without including the development of skills for understanding their own behavioral process.  Our culture lacks the speaking literacy for a developing child to understand and connect to what is being said in the way that they perceive information.  We receive information through our senses of feeling, seeing, touching, tasting and hearing sounds. Now imagine hearing the use of  feel in a sentence that does not accurately describe any feeling at all or misuses words to describe feelings.  Some simple examples:

  • I feel we need groceries.     (Replace, I think instead of I feel)
  • I feel you should go and play.   (Replace, I think instead of I feel)
  • I feel your brother needs to have a sleep.   (Replace, I think instead of I feel)
  • I am feeling unheard when you ignore me.  (unheard is not a feeling, replace with sad) 
  • I feel safe when you don’t run ahead.  (Safe is not a feeling, replace with calm) 
These are common sentences in our relationships.  Now imagine two or more people trying to have a conversation and not being able to connect.  First without true use of feeling words there are no words that creates an empathetic understanding (true sensory awareness words that the other person can connect to with ease).  Second, if there is not a common point of understanding such as a value that they can perceive without judgement, there will be confusion or they will take it personally resulting in a reaction.  For example: 
  • Bullying is bad. (Replace with ~ I believe if we are not sharing our common needs for kindness, consideration and acceptance that our relationships will be violent.  
  •  You’re a bully. ( Replace with ~ When I see you post pictures of bleach to Amanda’s RIP facebook pages,  I feel rage and disbelief as I have a need for kindness and consideration for Amanda’s family and friends.  
  • We have a rule of no bullying.  ~ We have a common need’s in our relationships for dialogue, listening, cooperation, consideration, understanding and have agreements for trying to meet these needs.
It is my perspective that by shifting our focus towards daily conversations that have individuals taking more personal responsibility for understanding their own reactive state it will shift the focus from taking it out on others in unconscious and habitual behaviors.  For adults, it more difficult to learn after years of learning how to run away and protect themselves.  For children, it’s easy.  It will take the adults learning it and practicing it in order for children to change.

Therefore it is adults committing to learning what it is they want their children to learn first:

  • How to express what is alive in them truthfully.
  • To become aware that their child is meeting their own needs and that those needs are different from the adults and to shift into valuing those needs mutually, simply by acknowledging them.  (Children do not want to be invisible and think about it: ~ adults discuss their process with their partner/friends, etc. who do children have to process it with ~ no one!  Therefore imagine what is going on inside the child – isolation, feelings of being alone, not seen, not heard, not valued, not cared about)
  • Value based communication and leadership
  • Feelings literacy
  • Needs/values literacy
  • Listening Skills (listening without trying to fix it, without interruption and how to reflect back that the child sees that regardless, they are beautiful)
  • Making concrete requests that have specifics that are doable – not vague.
Rather than talk about it, I hoped to give you some experience of what I believe is important for our culture of learning how to create kids that are mediators in the moment conflict first arises.  Imagine a child being able to understand what is going inside themselves while at the same time understanding what is going on for the other person who’s behavior is violent.  As soon as they have basic skills they will be able to identify that it is not about them at all and about what is going on in the person being violent.  This is the shift we want.  From there they will have choices in how they respond meeting their own needs and not that of the person being violent.  It will affect the balance of the victim/bully and the bully will have no power over them.  
Renee has been developing programs in Education for consideration by value based leadership organizations that are now being presented.  For a peek at this development go to link @   http://supportingnonviolentcultureineducation.wordpress.com/
Let’s keep the conversation going!