Tag Archives: Empathetic Listening

Receiving the pain of humanity one conversation at a time!

Listening Spiral Inward

Listening Spiral Inward

Last night I was asked about the emotion in my eyes in an empathy coaching session the previous day.  I couldn’t remember the specific incident, however, I knew the depth of caring alive in me from witnessing the results of some very destructive communication and manipulative behaviour to get ones needs met at any cost.

It brought back a memory of being in an empathy healing session with  Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, author and creator of Nonviolent Communication.  As our session deepened I observed a pool of pain in his eyes that could only be a result of his pain for humanity. In Buddhist teaching this eye contact was much different.  The reflection in Buddhist Rinpoches that I have experienced are compassionate without the depth of pain Marshall’s had.

Considering this, I am comparing that Marshall’s empathy program is unencumbered and simple.  It takes one inward towards the root cause of the experience and to one’s integrity while the Buddhist practice and talks are based upon;  learning mindful meditation, spiritual dogma, faith, devotion  and  a focus on examples using storytelling of the past to pass knowledge and discernment on. I have found with Marshall’s integration you can focus your attention and go to the center, while in Buddhism integration isn’t so direct.  I believe all Rinpoches have compassion and  I know their devotion to humanity is tremendous.  Each day they give reverence to those who crossed their path that day before retiring.

From this above personal experience I believe empathy is intimate, vulnerable, connected to the immediate experience and identifies the individual needs while compassion is  a fuller experience and not directly  connected to the immediate needs.  I experience empathy to lead to compassion.


Check out upcoming workshops or book  your own personal movement or empathy coaching session


Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
 Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children’s Summit on Peace & Nature in 2015

 

 

‘Epic Empty Nest-er Transitions’

 

It’s no secret that my kids are the first generation kids who had one parent practicing a value based model of communication that began when they were beginning elementary school.  A model of communication learned from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Author of Nonviolent Communication.
nest-clip-art-nest-with-leaves-hi

Practicing this model of  communication at home has been a different experience than teaching it to others or being taught it.  The difference has been embodying it as the cultural foundation of our lifestyle and relationships.  Therefore our families learning has been through integrating our practice.

Travelling the path of transitioning from one consciousness to another was filled with immediate experiences and this mom did not know, or consider, the impact of any future outcomes.  The focus was learning with each interaction as it happened.  The beauty was the outcomes and the struggle was the extra brain effort to get there.  From teaching experiences it seems the brain is a lazy muscle and loves being attached to what it knows that ultimately blocks learning anything new! Hence the effort.

This mom quickly realized that it did not stop the adventures of childhood that were not particularity agreeable, however, what was different was the interactions between parent and child.  Spoken and unspoken communication between this mom and her children was deeper, connected and open, even in our conflicts.   These children quickly learned to be honest and take responsibility for their actions versus *lie to justify them.  They also became comfortable to hold mom accountable for any communication missteps. *lie – part of this system is to track and keep going back to the point so it is hard to keep up dishonesty as we learned! 

However, trouble still exists/ed and as one child left home it was under misunderstandings and conflict.  It was mom pushing bird out of the nest and a shock to baby bird.  Luckily our value based connect was enough to transition the conflict of our differences into understanding and connection.    Now this bird is coming home for a visit  and will be bringing a mate for mom to meet.  A mate who is interested in a pursuing education in ways of doing things this mom introduced to her families culture.  Mom is curious and excited!  Better yet she was able to discuss concerns and worry at the long periods of no contact during the 18 months away without bird taking it personally!  Love this communication!  What this child hears isn’t that they have done something wrong,  rather they hear the   concern and caring of this parent.

As baby bird one is returning to visit,  number two is leaving the nest.  This news came as a surprise!  This child and mom had made an agreement that affected their future lifestyle.  Then without discussion and mutual agreement another decision was made stimulating the disappointment of unmet needs.  On a scale of 1 to 10, it was a 10 for this mom.  The amazing thing is that there was/is honesty.  There was enough caring to be in the process for as long as it took to find clarity, understanding and agreement.  It has taken three months.  What began as mom wanting to push baby gently to safely leave the nest, to baby jumping from the nest while recognizing that a relationships with mom was equally as important. Neither right or wrong, yet, we have felt our feelings and over time expressed what is alive for us.  It gave us the opportunity to talk about the things we have withheld and now our relationship is transitioning into self-reliance.  It is maturing in a healthy way whereby we are admitting our excitement and fears.

I shocked and surprised my first child and my second shocked and surprised me.  What is different for us is that we have heard messages of meaning and how important we are to each other.  In my first family the pattern was to withdraw, disconnect and isolate.   I am loving being able to achieve a different expereience.  It bring hope and joy.

Creating a new consciousness through learning to listen and speak differently does take effort in the beginning,  yet,  my experience is that it reduces the field of later conflict which is by far a bigger struggle.


It is this family experience that extended to our early childhood education expereince that led to the creation of educational programs called Culture of Values for parents, schools and classrooms.  Find out more at  Culture of Values  or follow @learningvalues or on facebook

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication Relationship & Life Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 2015

InTouch Talk in your community

14InTouch Talk programs are designed to speak abundance, integrate universal values and develop emphatic listening.

InTouch Talk has been shared in the following ways:

1.  Introductory and Integration Follow up in the workplace:

  • With counselors in talking circle setting
  • With employees to create harmony and respect for business owner
  • In business offices to align mission statements with ethical behavior
  • Early childhood educators for teaching

2.  Ongoing workshops in the community since 2007

3.  Ongoing workshops in Public Schools since 2007

4.  In talking circles since 2004

5.  Coaching since 2004

Intouch Talk has helped to improve relationships in the areas of:
  • Pre Marriage Coaching
  • Building Better Marriages
  • Deconstructing Marriages
  • Partnerships
  • Business Relationships
  • Conflict Resolution & Mediation
  • Parenting
  • Teaching
  • Educational Institutions
  • Organizations
  • Bullying/Anti bullying
  • Government
  • Policy Making
  • and more……

Connect to inquire or book your Introductory Workshop, In-House Integration Series or Coaching

Read more on InTouch Green Communication

Listening Quotes

by Renee Lindstrom, GCFP @ Inside Awareness, Living in Natures Love Blog & Renee Lindstrom Live

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Integration of Body, Mind & Spatial Awareness

 

At last nights listening to hear and speaking to be heard class we opened with, “Listening,” by Thich Nhat Hanh.   The class was focused on the values of empathy and on the qualities of how we listen.  Hearing this piece by Thich Nhat Hanh,  the message I hear is the power in self-empathy and empathic listening.

A  quote from the Dali Lama follows increasing the impact of this  message…..

Listening

We have to understand in order to be of help.  We all have pain, but we tend to suppress it because we don’t want it to come up in our living room.  The most important thing that we need is to be understood.  We need someone to listen to us and to understand us.  Then we will suffer less.  But everyone is suffering and no one wants to listen.  We don’t know how to express ourselves so that people can understand.  because we suffer so much, the way we express our pain hurts other people, and they don’t want to listen.

Listening is a very deep practice.  You have to empty yourself.  You have to leave space in order to listen..especially to people we think are our enemies, the ones we believe are making our situation worse.  When you have shown your capacity for listening and understanding, the other person will begin to listen to you, and you have a chance to tell him or her of your pain, and it’s your turn to get healed.  This is the practice of peace.

by Thich Nhat Hanh

 

quote by the Dali Lama

“The compassionate mind is very important. Fear, anger, jealousy are based on a self-centered attitude. By developing a sense of caring for others’ well-being your heart automatically opens and that brings transparency, straightforwardness and honesty, which leads to friendship. We are social animals, and one individual’s survival relies entirely on the rest of the community.”

Empathy from cultivating awareness from the inside out

The intent of this article is in the context of how  communication and movement can support the decrease of anxiety, stress & fear.

  • InTouch Communication:  Values & Empathy integration in communication for transforming disconnection into connection
  • Feldenkrais Movement: calming one’s nervous system.

new

Natural World Empathy Support 

  • Natures Love plant essences blended by Renee: support body, and minds feelings that block emotions and self-confidence
Learn more
  • Eating Coloured Foods:  Metal, Emotional and Physical Support
Learn more

Find out more on how integrating the arts of movement, communication and space compliment your experience and encompasses a holistic approach to wellness.

Connect with Renee

Follow on TwitterInstagram  Pinterest or Facebook for more tips


Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 2015

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Empathy and our Brain

by Renee Lindstrom, GCFP @ Inside Awareness, Living in Natures Love Blog & Renee Lindstrom Live

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Integration of Body, Mind & Spatial Awareness

 

A  participant in our ” Listen to Hear and Speak to be Heard Workshops,”   was excited to share a book she was reading by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.’s book, My Stroke of Insight.

Reading it, I too became excited about the connections to the Intouch Empathy focus and body movement integration offered through Feldenkrais.

Here is a video by Dr. Taylor:


 

Empathy from cultivating awareness from the inside out

The intent of this article is in the context of how  communication and movement can support the decrease of anxiety, stress & fear.

  • InTouch Communication:  Values & Empathy integration in communication for transforming disconnection into connection
  • Feldenkrais Movement: calming one’s nervous system.

new

Natural World Empathy Support 

  • Natures Love plant essences blended by Renee: support body, and minds feelings that block emotions and self-confidence
Learn more
  • Eating Coloured Foods:  Metal, Emotional and Physical Support
Learn more

    Find out more on how integrating the arts of movement, communication and space compliment your experience and encompasses a holistic approach to wellness.

Connect with Renee

Follow on TwitterInstagram  Pinterest or Facebook for more tips


Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Value-Based Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Founder of Greater Victoria Peace & Intercultural Celebrations since 2010 & Greater Victoria Labyrinths since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Calendar Founder – 2014 & 2015

Share your feedback