Tag Archives: Bullying

InTouch Talk in your community

14InTouch Talk programs are designed to speak abundance, integrate universal values and develop emphatic listening.

InTouch Talk has been shared in the following ways:

1.  Introductory and Integration Follow up in the workplace:

  • With counselors in talking circle setting
  • With employees to create harmony and respect for business owner
  • In business offices to align mission statements with ethical behavior
  • Early childhood educators for teaching

2.  Ongoing workshops in the community since 2007

3.  Ongoing workshops in Public Schools since 2007

4.  In talking circles since 2004

5.  Coaching since 2004

Intouch Talk has helped to improve relationships in the areas of:
  • Pre Marriage Coaching
  • Building Better Marriages
  • Deconstructing Marriages
  • Partnerships
  • Business Relationships
  • Conflict Resolution & Mediation
  • Parenting
  • Teaching
  • Educational Institutions
  • Organizations
  • Bullying/Anti bullying
  • Government
  • Policy Making
  • and more……

Connect to inquire or book your Introductory Workshop, In-House Integration Series or Coaching

Read more on InTouch Green Communication

Root Causes of 10 Feelings

Have you ever considered what the source of some of your feelings are?  Check out some root causes of 10 feeling words that do not focus upon labeling or moralistic judgement.  Check in next time and not label someone a bully, notice any changes if you were to reword it.  What if you changed it to; their need for peer respect, kindness and safety are not being met?

Think about this.  If a student or employee feels embarrassed by their teacher or boss, how to they process their feelings?  Is there a chance that they will go out into the playground, office, store or even take it home  and act out violently?   How do you process hard to hear messages?

1.  Scared – If you are scared your needs for these values are not being met;

  • safety, consideration,  need for inclusion, belonging, peer respect, to contribute

2.  Angry – If you are angry your needs for these values are not being met;

fairness, autonomy, respect, to be seen, to be heard, acknowledged, appreciation  to matter, choice, safety, consideration, safety, peace….

3. Frustrated – If you are frustrated your needs for these values are not being met;

trust, honesty, acknowledgement, to be seen, appreciation, respect, calm, peace

4.  Hurt – If you are hurt your needs for these values are not being met;

appreciation, respect, kindness, acknowledgement, recognition, honest, trust, reliability, fairness, honesty, justice

5.  Disappointed –  If you are disappointed your needs for these values are not being met;

trust, dependability, honesty, committment

6.  Confused – If you are confused your needs for these values are not being met;

fairness, clarity, understanding, empathy

7.  Sad – If you are sad your needs for these values are not being met;

support, understanding, caring, inclusion, belonging, consideration  respect, trust, respect, friendship, community, acknowledgment, recognition, fairness, mutuality

8.  Lonely – If you are lonely your needs for these values are not being met;

friendship, companionship, relationship, community, belonging, inclusion, to matter, to be valued, to contribute, recognition, acknowledgement, appreciated

9.  Overwhelmed – If you are overwhelmed your needs for these values are not being met;

ease, space, peace, quiet, freedom, autonomy, support, understanding

10.  Embarrassed – If you are embarrassed your needs for these values are not being met;

understanding, acknowledgement, respectful communication, belonging, inclusion, to be heard, to matter and be valued, acceptance

 

See 10 Words Commonly confused as feelings

 

For a healthy society ~ on Bullying for teaching the teachers

Which came first the chicken or the egg?  Really? Does it matter?  Who cares about identifying who should be responsible for teaching children about bullying and the outcomes when each one of us is a bully!  Yes, you have read this correctly.  If  we cannot identify our own needs and give ourselves empathy, what happens when talking to another person?  Can you then hear and identify their needs and  respond back to them in a way to connect to what is important to them?  If not, in fact it is bullying them!  Why, well think about it, if you hear someone and begin trying to fix it based upon your opinions, do you think they feel witnessed and valued or do they feel invisible and lonely?  If you start to hear them, identify with their story and jump in to tell yours to let them know you know exactly how they feel, do you think they feel seen or heard or has the conversation become about you?   Therefore, if it is about you and what you know and your experience,  you cannot identify their needs and acknowledge them as having any value.  Why?, they do not have the same needs as you in that moment.  Frankly,  it is not about you when you are listening to someone else which brings up the question of, “How do you think they are going to respond?”

I would like to generalize and say that I believe we all do this  and it is these little incidents that we are not aware of that become big issues for others who then take it out on others that grows and grows.   Therefore in my opinion it is a societal issue and one that needs societal solutions that begin with acknowledgement and training.   Unlearning through learning new skills that begin with individuals in ALL communities, networks and families.  It’s not a parental issue in my opinion as parents need the support of educators.  Educators needs the support of administrators and administrators need the support of government and government need support of who? YOU!

For a healthy society ~ Defining bullying

I would imagine that Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, would tell us that bullying is a, “tragic expression of unmet needs!”  The questions then become:

  1. Do we even know that we have needs?
  2. Can we identify them?
  3. Can we share them so that they can be heard by others?
  4. Are we making the type of requests that will increase the chances of getting them met?

Exercise for developing empathy resulting from bullying

This exercised was emailed to me from Carla Munro ~ a fellow contributor to sharing value-based empathy conscious communication methods.  It will be useful to the teacher in all of us.

Unbelievable response to article titled – Bullying in the workplace

The following articles describe common themes in our discussions at getting InTouch Communication learning circles.  These learning gatherings are for connecting to how to transform these experiences by moving beyond reactional behaviors.     Having been a bully boss, without knowing it,  myself while in management years ago what I recognize now is that as a boss my needs were so great I wasn’t even aware anyone else had any!

These two articles are interesting!

Original article in Monday Magazine – Bullying in the Workplace by Tim Collins

A recent survey indicates 40 per cent of Canadian workers have experienced bullying in the workplace within the past six months. We ask what can be done to stop it.

Anna is young, reasonably attractive and moderately bright. She has little formal education, but joined a large local retail store out of high school and has risen to the level of assistant department supervisor. It’s a level she’s not likely to surpass in the foreseeable future, for Anna (not her real name) is a bully.

“When I come in for a shift and realize that she’s the supervisor on duty, my heart drops,” says one staffer. “I know she’s going to take any chance she has to make my life miserable. And I’m not the worst off! One time, she called (a member of staff) a wrinkled old hag and said that just having to be around someone that old made her sick . . . I mean, who does that?”

Who, indeed?  Read more

FOLLOWED UP BY:  

Bully Article strikes a nerve by Grant McKenzie

It was so interesting to read and hear reactions to last week’s cover feature on bullying in the workplace.

While the majority of readers wanted to share their own stories of demeaning encounters with terrible bosses, a few reacted in a completely unexpected and curious way.

I heard from several people at different companies who were concerned the examples used were somehow aimed at them, and from employees who assumed it was their manager in the spotlight. After assuring the bosses they were not the template for the examples, I did suggest that if they saw themselves in the descriptions, it might be time for some self-reflection or managerial training before HR brings down the hammer.

Read more