Which came first the chicken or the egg? Really? Does it matter? Who cares about identifying who should be responsible for teaching children about bullying and the outcomes when each one of us is a bully! Yes, you have read this correctly. If we cannot identify our own needs and give ourselves empathy, what happens when talking to another person? Can you then hear and identify their needs and respond back to them in a way to connect to what is important to them? If not, in fact it is bullying them! Why, well think about it, if you hear someone and begin trying to fix it based upon your opinions, do you think they feel witnessed and valued or do they feel invisible and lonely? If you start to hear them, identify with their story and jump in to tell yours to let them know you know exactly how they feel, do you think they feel seen or heard or has the conversation become about you? Therefore, if it is about you and what you know and your experience, you cannot identify their needs and acknowledge them as having any value. Why?, they do not have the same needs as you in that moment. Frankly, it is not about you when you are listening to someone else which brings up the question of, “How do you think they are going to respond?”
I would like to generalize and say that I believe we all do this and it is these little incidents that we are not aware of that become big issues for others who then take it out on others that grows and grows. Therefore in my opinion it is a societal issue and one that needs societal solutions that begin with acknowledgement and training. Unlearning through learning new skills that begin with individuals in ALL communities, networks and families. It’s not a parental issue in my opinion as parents need the support of educators. Educators needs the support of administrators and administrators need the support of government and government need support of who? YOU!
