Tag Archives: Value-needs

Evaluative Experience Words, not Feelings



Word map of feeling words mixed together with evaluative experience words & value words sometimes mixed up in sentences as words that one feels 

At  Speaking Peace workshops we introduce words that are sometimes mistaken as feelings.  These words are actually evaluative experiences that are added in our statements after the words, “I feel…..,”  or “I felt….” Our workshop exercise is to identify the true emotion and consider the unmet need creating these feelings.

An example is the word betrayed.  I feel betrayed is an incorrect use as betrayed is not a feeling.   It describes an experience.  The feelings one might feel may be hurt, downhearted, wretched, devastated, discourages, lonely and more (see photo above for more).

Once true feelings are named our speaking peace process is to look at the unmet value needs that make be causing these feelings. These could be the need for:  respect, honesty, consideration, to matter, trust, support and more (see photo for more).

Consider our Speaking Peace courses and workshop!  Learn more about how to connect with more clarity, understanding and empathy!


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by Renee Lindstrom

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by Renee Lindstrom, GCFP @ Inside Awareness,  Living in Natures Love Blog
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Copyright 2007 – 2020 Renee Lindstrom, GCFP

Integrity the new “I”

As we discussed ‘Integrity’ our conversation turned to personal meanings of this verb.  Before long it became clear the newest definition of “I” was “integrity” and this meant being honest to one’s own values.

It is important to say that we realized a connection to our values was a need for integrity and included a willingness to slow down and identity them.  The next step and perhaps the most difficult, was being honest and expressing them!  This takes clarity, commitment and courage.  The 3 ‘c’s!’

We agreed doing integrity is a noun and our dialogue was encouraging us to consider the differences of doing and  being this value-need of  integrity. We also agreed that integrity as a noun  is a mental concept that could create hypocrisy – “Actions speak louder than words!”  Here are some of our final check in talking-points:

1.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

  • Commitment to check inside first,  even if this means checking out of the conversation temporarily,  to define what is alive inside first before responding.
  • Clarity  through connection to the point or intention of what it is you are trying to convey first before engaging.
  • Courage to ‘speak your value-needs.’

2.  Be willing to hear the value-need messages of others regardless of friend or foe in the moment!  

  • Commitment to put object of their conversation through your value-needs translator even if this means checking out of the conversation temporarily to do so.
  • Clarity  through reflecting back what you are hearing them say.
  • Courage to ‘name their value-need message’ regardless of whether you agree or disagree.

In our closing I heard how these value dialogues were expanding our own personal perspective’s and deepening connections within and out.

getting InTouch - Value - Integrity 2

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