Tag Archives: Couples

Relationships Matter: ‘Couples Intimacy ‘

“If there are problems in the bedroom, there’s conflict!”

“If there are problems in the relationship there are problems in the bedroom!”

These are two comments I made at our 3rd Removing Obstacles to Love workshop last night!  Our conversation was focused on the aspects of our primary relationships.  Breaking it down into bite sized pieces, so to speak,  there are four areas of focus in our primary relationships that affect each other.  They are:

  1. Family/Community/Social Network
  2. Household Health/Financial
  3. Relationship (Interaction & Behavior)
  4. Intimacy

Our consideration was on the dynamics of unresolved issues and  how some people can compartmentalized their relationship issues and still be intimate while others need to have resolution on outstanding issues to have their needs for safety met to be vulnerable enough for intimacy!

Where are you in this topic?  Do you need the resolution of your unresolved issues with your partner to be as intimate as you like?  

In this scenario, I suggested that if couples are open and honest with each other and they speak up about what is important to them in the moment that this present connection could lead them to intimacy.  Why?  It is the connection that is important, not the issues.  Any unresolved issues is about not be seen, not being heard and not being valued!  My recommendations are to slow down and listen.  Learn to listen to your partners soul and your own!

 Read more on Resolving Obstacle to Love Workshops

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Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

Facilitating couple groups is a powerful experience….

RelationshipDialogue series for couples wrapped up last night for the summer. It ended on an honest note of expressing how this experience was for people in the group and how to move forward with options for practice and future connection. We focused on how if you don’t use it you lose it!  This means if you are shifting your conscious awareness one sentence at a time, you need a tribe to practice with for support to stay in connection and develop different speaking habits. This begs the question, do you have a practice tribe that is committed to expressing honestly and listening with empathy in a way that provides the witnessing and acceptance that is needed for a shift in behavior to happen?

Working with couples in a group like this has been one of the most powerful experiences I have had in facilitating learning groups for shifting consciousness and behavior awareness one sentence at a time. It has allowed me a glimmer into how deeply we love and in turn feel pain when we become enemies in our inability to relate, understand and equally hear each others point or perspective. Think about the power in our personal coupling.  After-all,  it is our parents coupling relationship that shaped us, how we feel, think, react, love, fight, hate….

Read 7 signs your love relationship is struggling 

Intimacy in relationships

Intimacy in relationships begins with an experience!   Intimacy begins with tenderness in our skill of  listening and ability for reflecting back.  It is our willingness to hear and not to only be heard.

  • How many of us want to be held and touched tenderly by our lovers?  
  • Why would our conversations be any different?  
  • Can you remember  a time when the tender kindness that went into your intimate touch was matched in your conversation with your lover?  When that tenderness is not in the conversation do you imagine them as your lover in that moment?
  • When was a time that you both shared anything with each  tenderly and felt accepted exactly as you are?

I believe it is more important to create an experience of intimate connection in conversation first before mastering the correctness of how to speak to each other.  Ever coach a couple only to hear one partner tell the other how it’s done?  Intimacy maker? No!    If you forget how it should be done and have the experience of intimate connection you are more apt to take chances, be creative  and develop your courage to tell each other what really matters.   This is when I experience couples commit to keep trying to hear what is meaningful in what the other person is trying to share.  If  you have to learn how to do it and get it right first, before the connection, it tells me that you are feeling frightened and need the safety of being right and getting your way at the expense of your partner.

Therefore with couples the primary focus is to walk them through a dialogue  dance that isn’t focused on how to do it.  It is focused on doing it and accepting whatever arises so that it is  easy for them to feel heard and understood.  This is when they feel safe to share important issues.  

Each partner is being coached to make the dialogue about themselves  to translate each story they bring up into being about themselves and never staying in the habit of  making it about the other person.  Talk is slowed down so that each partner can reflect and that the dialogue is never one-sided.  It means pausing to connect to what is being said before bringing up other issues so that both have a say.

It definitely isn’t for the faint hearted.  It is for couples wanting to work on their intimacy, vulnerability and grow their relationships to bring warm loving kindness and spiciness back into the experience.

This week I had an opportunity to stand beside and guide couples into their vulnerability to the point the veil of self protection  fell away.  From this place of deep meaning it is one of the most tender sweet spots to find oneself in.  By standers included!  You are where it really matters.   When couples commit to continue coming back to try and express in a way they both can be heard,  isolated behavior and fear looses its power, humor develops and it becomes easier.    This is when it becomes about the relationship and not about winning.  


Here are the results of seven evaluation forms filled out at the ending of a  Spring, 2013  4 workshop series on relationships for couples hosted by Renee Lindstrom, Inside Awareness – getting InTouch programs:

Program – 6/7 Exceeded expectations

Notes on Instructor:

  • Instructor was informative, gave excellent practical tips and tools!
  • I attended at first with a very vague idea of the philosophy.  I came away with a great explanation and much info to work with from this point on.
  • I learned a lot of useful skills and information.  It has dramatically improved our relationship.
  • It helped me instantly
  • There was a lot of information and understanding that came about over the 4 classes.

What do you like best about this centre?

2/7 This class! 5/7 didn’t fill out

Scale of 1 -5 (5-excellent) on the following qualities:

Organization                                                                      5, 3, 5, 4, 5, 5, 5

Enthusiasm                                                                        5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5

Personality and Professionalism                              5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5

Ability to convey their knowledge to you            5, 4, 5, 5, 5, 4, 5

Additional comments:

  • Instructor was able to provide structured information and still be flexible in adapting to the class.
  • Excellent Teaching


Steps for when you hear “Hard to Hear Messages!, ” from your beloved:

1.  This week begin to make a conscious effort to notice your own inner response to hearing requests from your love partner.
2. Notice if you are enjoying how the requests are made and if not, what is coming up in you
3.  Do not hesitate to say to your partner,  Would you be willing to rephrase this question so that it is not about me.   I want to  hear what truly matters to you, yet when you make it about me, I cannot hear you in the way I would like to.
4.  Give yourself support in becoming present in these moments of receiving hard to hear messages.

For more on this article on relationships…….

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