Tag Archives: Parenting

“When Mommy and Daddy fight”

Posted on November 17, 2013 | Leave a comment

Imagine your child/ren watching and hearing you and your partner disagree.  Conflict between two people is normal and natural.  Rather than beat yourself up and either guilt talk your child or ignore them, what if you talk empathy?  Yes!, accept responsibility for having feelings that sometimes come out in a way you don’t like!  Example:

______________________________________________________

(Name), last night Daddy and I used our loud voices when we disagreed about
cleaning the kitchen after dinner. I regret (or I am sorry for) getting angry at
daddy in front of you. I was needing some space by myself to settle and rest
and was feeling frustrated and rushed.

I imagine it’s scary for you to hear daddy and I raise our voices and show you our big feelings. Is that right? _________(answer)_______________. I bet you need us to be kinder and more considerate (age appropriate words). Is that
want you would like? __________(encourage talking).

I would like that too. Sometimes just like you, I get big feelings and they
come out before I can catch them. How about we make a deal (or I make an agreement with you), that if daddy and I use our loud (big) voices when we are feeling frustrated, that when I feel calmer I will come and check in with you to talk about how this was for you? Would you like this?

_______________________________________________________

Parenting Workshops with Renee Lindstrom coming up at James Bay Community Centre and Vic West Community Association.  Go to  learning opportunities for parents .

Think, Speak, Act Workshops with Renee Lindstrom coming up at Monterey Recreational Centre.  Go to personal development Learning opportunities.

All Classes

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Maturing, Experiential and Qualitative ‘Heart’ Empathy: understanding your parents

Posted on October 22, 2013 | Leave a comment

When you nurture your own children, empathy for your parents deepens and you transition from child to parent.

Not living with the responsibility of  children you likely remain the child and  wisdom from the integration cycle, past and future,  is interrupted.  Knowing is learned and not lived.  Missing is the joy and pain of parenting and a shared reality with your parents.   Healing the child within comes easier with a child of ones own through the dawning of understanding and acceptance.

Renee Lindstrom – 22/10/2013

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Balancing Parenting & Your Relationship

Posted on September 29, 2013 | Leave a comment

Family Relationship GoalsPlanning your home culture to ensure more needs are met in your relationship with your partner, while still meeting the needs of the children,  is something that is not a focus in our learning and growth.  There is an expectation that we know this based upon your own earlier family experiences.  Yet, finding your self with babies in your relationship while trying to keep up your life before babies might just find you unprepared!  You may have strong ideas for how you want to raise your children that then may  becomes a burden to your relationship with each other if planning for balance is not met.  Yes planning for balance!

If you find yourself in this position or you are about to introduce babies into your growing family,  take time to plan, have goals and set intentions or become conscious of area that you take for granted now that become obstacles later on.

Upcoming workshop:

October Workshop:

Wednesday, OCTober 2 – OCTober 16, 6:00-8:00PM

James Bay Community School Centre

  •      140 Oswego Street
Create a home with parents who have a focus on relationship self-care.  Discover how you can set up a structure to keep your love alive based upon equal giving and receiving, respect, understanding, consideration, intimacy  empathy and compassion.  Spend time now to save time later.  Learn to create value based agreements and a structure to stayed connected during the most emotional, busiest and sometimes most confusing times of your relationships. Learn how to ask for what you need without creating guilt and resentment.
3/$35 – REGISTRATION:  250-389-1470
_________________________________
Articles:
Putting the “I” back into parenting:
Other parenting Workshops:

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Imagine a child’s world

Posted on October 26, 2012 | Leave a comment

That includes redirection and reassurance while being recognized versus, (you fill in the blanks)

  • You are,
  • Your doing,
  • You must,
  • Do!,
  • Go!,
  • Say your sorry!,

For example, Identify and acknowledge what is going on for them.  It takes as much time as it does to get angry and use force to get your own need met.  Hearing them takes less energy for all of you.  It does not mean you have to let them do what it is they are doing.  In fact you are teaching them to understand the feelings they are having.  They cannot teach this to themselves.   Such as,

“When you get angry about coming with us  I bet you are wanting to stay home and play and not come to another event with your brother and I.  Is that what’s going on for you?”

Now imagine the way you would habitually handle this type of situation.  You may not even be aware that they are meeting their own needs by their behavior and you may perceive this as resistance and label them as being __________.  Their resistance is a strategy for them to meet their needs in the only way they know how, which you may be taking personally and making it about them not listening to you.  If so, consider how your reaction impacts them.  How would your child process your reaction in a way that they stayed connected to their own value?  What might they be feeling and who would they go to for comfort?

Now consider the reasons you may have reacted that way?  Could it be the way you learned to behave based upon your experience or that you haven’t had any training on how to deal with multiple needs in the multiple relationships of your unique family?

Who do you go to to discuss your experiences of their reactions, their father perhaps?  Who do they go to to discuss your reactions?  Your behavior in their eyes may be exactly what they consider their behavior to be –  reactive.  How can their behavior be wrong and yours right?

For more info on Upcoming Parenting Workshops with Renee Lindstrom

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Parents, when you fight with your partner, what do you tell the kids?

Posted on October 25, 2012 | Leave a comment

Parents do you go and talk to your kids after they hear or see you fight and talk to them about how it was for them to have been in this experience?  Do you help them with identifying their feelings and sharing what needs they had in the moments of the fight?

Do you try to tell them what the fight was about and get them to pick sides or do you tell them truthfully what you are feeling about them experiencing the fight with you?   Such as regret and sadness that you didn’t met their needs for safety?  Once you and the child connect to theirs and your needs about the fighting experience you simply might say that you and partner had needs that were not being met and that the frustration came out in the behavior that was demonstrated.   Do children need to know adults stories or do they simply need to know you care about them and that it is normal to have frustration?  What’s important might be how you model the process of dealing with the frustration and not the frustration itself.  Be truthful about the behavior scaring you if in fact it did and begin teaching them the feelings that go with different behaviors without making the behaviors threatening.  Normalizing the behavior through the process of coming  to understand it begins to defuse the level of fear attached to it and its power, opening the door to future mediation skills in moments they may face anger.

Turn these moments into teachable experiences and explore it and not feed the fear.

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Parenting with Empathy series notes:

Posted on October 18, 2012 | Leave a comment

New parenting series began yesterday p.m. in James Bay. In 2007 I organized 7 day live in retreat on the topic of getting intimate with living, speaking and sharing common values. Gregg Kendrick was one of the weeks 3 trainers and it was here he introduced me to the concept of being in the center of a relationship and balancing my personal needs to be more available to meet the other persons.  This was a concept more advanced than the normal concept being introduced  in 2007 of how to speak your values while hearing the other persons.   This concept went into the unconscious structure of your position in the relationship!

This concept is one I have incorporated into having parents reflect the structure of their own family dynamics.  As I suspected, a concept unfamiliar yet at evenings end the feedback was that of recognizing the benefits.

This will be a great workshop series as the parents have children from 3 to 28! This will meet my needs for learning, not unlike an awareness through movement lesson designed by Moshe Feldenkrais.  His focus was on the person as an individual – no prescriptions of one fits all!  This workshop is going to demand that each family be seen individually! This will be an interactive and reflective workshop, I can tell.

Still time to join if you feel inspired to check in and find out if the structure of your family dynamics is meeting yours, your partners and your children’s needs mutually. Catching up at the second part of the series isn’t too difficult and I will be there 20 minutes before next week to catch up some of those that came late last night and missed first part.  Don’t hesitate to join and come early to find out what you missed!  Click link for more info!

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Parenting with Empathy series notes:

Posted on October 18, 2012 | Leave a comment

New parenting series began yesterday p.m. in James Bay. In 2007 I organized 7 day live in retreat on the topic of getting intimate with living, speaking and sharing common values. Gregg Kendrick was one of the weeks 3 trainers and it was here he introduced me to the concept of being in the center of a relationship and balancing my personal needs to be more available to meet the other persons.  This was a concept more advanced than the normal concept being introduced  in 2007 of how to speak your values while hearing the other persons.   This concept went into the unconscious structure of your position in the relationship!

This concept is one I have incorporated into having parents reflect the structure of their own family dynamics.  As I suspected, a concept unfamiliar yet at evenings end the feedback was that of recognizing the benefits.

This will be a great workshop series as the parents have children from 3 to 28! This will meet my needs for learning, not unlike an awareness through movement lesson designed by Moshe Feldenkrais.  His focus was on the person as an individual – no prescriptions of one fits all!  This workshop is going to demand that each family be seen individually! This will be an interactive and reflective workshop, I can tell.

Still time to join if you feel inspired to check in and find out if the structure of your family dynamics is meeting yours, your partners and your children’s needs mutually. Catching up at the second part of the series isn’t too difficult and I will be there 20 minutes before next week to catch up some of those that came late last night and missed first part.  Don’t hesitate to join and come early to find out what you missed!  Click link for more info!

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