Tag Archives: Lifestyle

If something is broken in your relationship how does it affect your family?

Are you doing this:

by Renee Lindstrom

because you want this:

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Six months ago a caravan parked on our local street.  It was a young family; mom, dad, two kids, two cats and a dog,  arriving to set up a home planning to rent a  house temporarily until finding their own dream home in the Greater Victoria Region.  Dad had grown up here and wanted to raise his young kids on the West Coast.

The reason the husband shared his story is they wanted to block access to my home with their vehicles for a few days.  In speaking with him I had deja-vu. Some friends had traveled with him and his family and you could tell they had partied and enjoyed their travel time.  I wondered how it would be for them to move into a home where the earlier occupant also loved to have a good time with a revolving door of visitors that enjoyed a good drink or two!  The previous occupant was a friend and  hung around for a few weeks in party mode as they unpacked and settled.

With the previous tenant’s lifestyle influence and one partners love of partying   it wasn’t a happily ever after experience for them.  By December, 3 months later, a house had been bought, however not in the Greater Victoria Region.  One was purchased in the town they had recently traveled from.   When he told me he wanted to block my access to load up again, he shared a bit of his story.    He said it was important to move for the kids and to stop partying.  I could tell he was hung over.  Wow!

I felt empathy for him and his little family.  Being on this side of some life similarities, and with my training, I recognized his move to Victoria was a strategy to full fill something that wasn’t working for him in his lifestyle. He is travelling back into that same environment and states this choice is more important than his needs.   As he speaks his mannerisms tell that he isn’t convinced and not in agreement with this decision.  It’s been made for him. He says that it’s been a six month party and it was time to get serious.

I wondered if her intention is to be close to family and set up a home for the kids to meet her needs for safety and support in the event that they can’t resolve their differences.  I know as a mom that would have been my priority if my needs for shared values were not met in my marriage.  Hell, that happened to me!  We didn’t have shared values and I raised my kids alone!   My hope, for this young couple, is that they find a way to work through the reasons for travelling across the country in the first place.   Was it to try to find the aliveness that may have gone out of the relationship?

Three things I would have suggested once they arrived in Victoria:

  1.  Be aware of how an earlier occupant of a house can influence your experience.
  2. Choose to clear a house by setting your intention for the home you want to create.  Don’t fall into an earlier pattern.
  3. Take ownership of the space and set boundaries!

Three things I  would recommend for them now setting up a new home as they arrive to their new house:

  1.  Each of them check in and write out what is meaningful for the in  three areas:  1.  Relationships, 2.  Family & Home, 3.  Community
  2. Each of them take turns and honesty express what these are with a  willingness to hear and create new ones together.
  3. Follow the above three steps.

I hope they will take the time to do the above however they will not be arriving together.  One has gone ahead to set up the new house while the other is closing the other.  It may be one’s already claimed the space and the other will be a visitor!  I hope not!!!!!

This  story stimulated reflection of my earlier post:  How a previous murder influenced my marriage!  As I write this one a raven is calling and the snow is falling!

 


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

 

How a previous murder influenced my marriage!

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On Feb 24th I wrote about conflict in neighbors relationships and boundaries.  I mentioned how sometime previous to buying one of  the houses I wrote about, the neighbor next door murdered the owner of the house.  The house had been let go from rental occupancy and that is what thought we were getting.  A rental fixer upper!

On the day we were moving in, the neighbor,  now living in the murderers house, walked over and told us about the history of our two properties.  I come from a family of tall people and this person didn’t have quiet their height, however the body posturing was massive.    My partner and I felt uncomfortable.  We found out this person was R.C.M.P. and I remember thinking I should feel pleased as it would be safe, yet my instincts didn’t match up.  Thinking back,  this was an experience where someone is trying to have power over me.

Hearing this news was unwelcome and it changed my expectations, hopes and dreams for this house.  I thought it could be our forever home.  It had that much potential.  First of all not knowing where the owner was shot in the house began a personal obsession.  I never knew if I would find anything each time we pulled up an old floor, baseboard, carpet or wall panel.  Finally it got the best of me and I did some research.  I found out it was on the front steps coming into the house.  This was the worst news possible!  I know this news had my  full focus of attention.  It was disturbing and I did not have the skills to understand what needs were not met or how to process it!  The front door is the entrance to the house and where life enters.  Here a life had been taken!

Even for a short time living in that house I can say it was never  a home.  Living in this space actually brought out unethical behaviors in both myself and my partner.  Not obvious at first.  It started off with small issues and experiences and was the catalyst for our break up!  In that house we stopped trying to process our differences and began meeting our needs in other ways.  We experienced conflict, violence, unethical drunken behavior and  sexual betrayal, depression mental, emotional and physical pain.  All in a short space of time!

When the house sold my partner and I had already found separate living arrangements and had split up our assets.  Had I known then how a space can define your experience. who knows, perhaps there could have been something that could have been done to support resolving our differences more ethically.  We resolved them, however with  struggle, pain and deception.

How are you resolving your differences?  In the above experience, I would now focus on a process of speaking honestly and listening with more empathy.  I would also process my pain at hearing someones life had been taken in the space I was living in with my partner. I would extensively cleanse the house energetically and spiritually.  I may even bring in the local aboriginal elders to bless the home and support a shift in the space.  An unconscious intention had been created by the violent action and the cleansing would create a new intention for the space.


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

Our worlds, our reality!

hands-600497_960_720In every moment our worlds are colliding.  The world we long for (our dreams), our world that is (our real experience)  and the world that is  shaping up around us (global experience).

The world we long for is our potential based upon all our lives.

Our world that is a culmination of our education, culture and choices we have made in this life.

The world that is shaping up around us is the outcome of our contributions (our actions) to it.

To make any personal changes it requires letting your hopes and dreams become meaningful enough to  to break through your conditioning that of society, which you helped to create.   Understanding this enables you to create more focus and it becomes about how you do it!

  • How do you want to contribute to your future?
  • How do you want to contribute to the future of society in each action you take to full fill your objectives?

For example,  if you want to contribute to enriched life then you will engage in increased actions that are life-giving.  This includes standing up for your values and lifestyles.  If you want freedom, choice and peace, your actions will be peaceful and you will give others free choice through your behavior and relationships.   If you want to live a healthier lifestyle you will support yourself in personal change that will be supportive versus self-destructive.


  • Healthier Lifestyle – transformation

If you are wanting to make a physical body change, relationships change or environmental change, it begins with having a dream.  Once you have the dream then it needs to become reality through actions.   No one will admit that this is easy.  I consider it to be a form of  warrior-ship!  The personal question is what type of warrior do you want to be.

Do you want to effect change from fear and judgement or from peace and confidence?

  1. Are you one of those types that is ridged with fear, goes 100 miles an hour delving into your new system and justifies your new lifestyle choices with everyone you meet?  On this new plan do you judge others on their choices or body type and try to teach them based upon your own fear based beliefs?
  2. Are you one of those types that explores personal change and observes the outcomes without being too rigid and giving yourself empathy with any self-judgments that come up?

Of the two characters types listed above, which one do you think would have a greater success rate for long-lasting  and a broader range of change?

One cannot say creating personal change is easy.  You are changing a culture and creating new patterns.  You  can long for it and even make a statement of commitment, however, if you are not supported effectively, the change you want or need may not be the outcome!

Some of the ways to support change is to follow a system for setting personal goals that are fun and  encompass a life style, not just an attitude!  Other ways are to learn a new system of behavior in how we process information and hold our posture.  Read more on this below in relationships and healthier life.

Read more on goals
Book  Coaching Session

  • Relationships  – transforming habitual responses (thoughts as a result of emotions) to focused clarity on what is important in the moment, not the past or future

Some of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s messages in his book Nonviolent Communication are the benefits of being empathetic while holding ones own believes and needs as important as those been heard in others.  It is a fine practice to enjoy autonomy while still being able to listen to others.  This is experience that becomes co-creative and enriching to all involved that creates effective change!

As my practice ages I am discovering that there is not one opinion that matters and that there are no two people who have the same views.  To contribute in our global world experience to effect the outcomes we hope for, the best path to achieve this is go beyond what we think we know into being curious about it. When we are stuck in the experience of thinking we know what is right, and if we think we have all the right solutions, we are acting out from a closed attitude that is life draining.   It’s essence reflects scarcity, survival and loss versus an open attitude reflecting open-mindedness.  An open and curious mind  has an essence of space and time that evokes growth, connection and co-operation to investigate possible outcomes together.

Read more about Communication
Find out about upcoming events
Book a Coaching Session

  • Healthier Life (transforming habitual responses in a fuller understanding of how ones body is ones environment of experience; mentally, emotionally and physically)

To effect change in your living experience, movement and functional awareness can support how you experience yourself, your surroundings and others.   Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais developed a  system of somatic Education that increased personal connection to ones functioning.  In this practice one has the opportunity to become more self-aware with a heightened sensibility.

Once again, as my practice ages, I am becoming familiar with how  ones body condition creates their emotional, mental and physical well-being which corresponds in how they think, feel and respond.   I have witnessed how when ones movement patterns become more flexible and less conditioned  it increases ones level of tolerance to life events.

Read more about Movement
Find out about upcoming events
Book a Private Session

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children’s Summit on Peace & Nature in 2015