Tag Archives: Feng Shui Lifestyles

If something is broken in your relationship how does it affect your family?

Are you doing this:

by Renee Lindstrom

because you want this:

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Six months ago a caravan parked on our local street.  It was a young family; mom, dad, two kids, two cats and a dog,  arriving to set up a home planning to rent a  house temporarily until finding their own dream home in the Greater Victoria Region.  Dad had grown up here and wanted to raise his young kids on the West Coast.

The reason the husband shared his story is they wanted to block access to my home with their vehicles for a few days.  In speaking with him I had deja-vu. Some friends had traveled with him and his family and you could tell they had partied and enjoyed their travel time.  I wondered how it would be for them to move into a home where the earlier occupant also loved to have a good time with a revolving door of visitors that enjoyed a good drink or two!  The previous occupant was a friend and  hung around for a few weeks in party mode as they unpacked and settled.

With the previous tenant’s lifestyle influence and one partners love of partying   it wasn’t a happily ever after experience for them.  By December, 3 months later, a house had been bought, however not in the Greater Victoria Region.  One was purchased in the town they had recently traveled from.   When he told me he wanted to block my access to load up again, he shared a bit of his story.    He said it was important to move for the kids and to stop partying.  I could tell he was hung over.  Wow!

I felt empathy for him and his little family.  Being on this side of some life similarities, and with my training, I recognized his move to Victoria was a strategy to full fill something that wasn’t working for him in his lifestyle. He is travelling back into that same environment and states this choice is more important than his needs.   As he speaks his mannerisms tell that he isn’t convinced and not in agreement with this decision.  It’s been made for him. He says that it’s been a six month party and it was time to get serious.

I wondered if her intention is to be close to family and set up a home for the kids to meet her needs for safety and support in the event that they can’t resolve their differences.  I know as a mom that would have been my priority if my needs for shared values were not met in my marriage.  Hell, that happened to me!  We didn’t have shared values and I raised my kids alone!   My hope, for this young couple, is that they find a way to work through the reasons for travelling across the country in the first place.   Was it to try to find the aliveness that may have gone out of the relationship?

Three things I would have suggested once they arrived in Victoria:

  1.  Be aware of how an earlier occupant of a house can influence your experience.
  2. Choose to clear a house by setting your intention for the home you want to create.  Don’t fall into an earlier pattern.
  3. Take ownership of the space and set boundaries!

Three things I  would recommend for them now setting up a new home as they arrive to their new house:

  1.  Each of them check in and write out what is meaningful for the in  three areas:  1.  Relationships, 2.  Family & Home, 3.  Community
  2. Each of them take turns and honesty express what these are with a  willingness to hear and create new ones together.
  3. Follow the above three steps.

I hope they will take the time to do the above however they will not be arriving together.  One has gone ahead to set up the new house while the other is closing the other.  It may be one’s already claimed the space and the other will be a visitor!  I hope not!!!!!

This  story stimulated reflection of my earlier post:  How a previous murder influenced my marriage!  As I write this one a raven is calling and the snow is falling!

 


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

 

How a previous murder influenced my marriage!

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On Feb 24th I wrote about conflict in neighbors relationships and boundaries.  I mentioned how sometime previous to buying one of  the houses I wrote about, the neighbor next door murdered the owner of the house.  The house had been let go from rental occupancy and that is what thought we were getting.  A rental fixer upper!

On the day we were moving in, the neighbor,  now living in the murderers house, walked over and told us about the history of our two properties.  I come from a family of tall people and this person didn’t have quiet their height, however the body posturing was massive.    My partner and I felt uncomfortable.  We found out this person was R.C.M.P. and I remember thinking I should feel pleased as it would be safe, yet my instincts didn’t match up.  Thinking back,  this was an experience where someone is trying to have power over me.

Hearing this news was unwelcome and it changed my expectations, hopes and dreams for this house.  I thought it could be our forever home.  It had that much potential.  First of all not knowing where the owner was shot in the house began a personal obsession.  I never knew if I would find anything each time we pulled up an old floor, baseboard, carpet or wall panel.  Finally it got the best of me and I did some research.  I found out it was on the front steps coming into the house.  This was the worst news possible!  I know this news had my  full focus of attention.  It was disturbing and I did not have the skills to understand what needs were not met or how to process it!  The front door is the entrance to the house and where life enters.  Here a life had been taken!

Even for a short time living in that house I can say it was never  a home.  Living in this space actually brought out unethical behaviors in both myself and my partner.  Not obvious at first.  It started off with small issues and experiences and was the catalyst for our break up!  In that house we stopped trying to process our differences and began meeting our needs in other ways.  We experienced conflict, violence, unethical drunken behavior and  sexual betrayal, depression mental, emotional and physical pain.  All in a short space of time!

When the house sold my partner and I had already found separate living arrangements and had split up our assets.  Had I known then how a space can define your experience. who knows, perhaps there could have been something that could have been done to support resolving our differences more ethically.  We resolved them, however with  struggle, pain and deception.

How are you resolving your differences?  In the above experience, I would now focus on a process of speaking honestly and listening with more empathy.  I would also process my pain at hearing someones life had been taken in the space I was living in with my partner. I would extensively cleanse the house energetically and spiritually.  I may even bring in the local aboriginal elders to bless the home and support a shift in the space.  An unconscious intention had been created by the violent action and the cleansing would create a new intention for the space.


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

Do you have a good or bad relationship boundaries with your neighbor?

by Renee Lindstrom

The seasons here in Greater Victoria are changing and there may be stirring to get outside and begin yard projects.  I don’t know about you, but for me when I have sought out a house to create into a home, I have had a need for privacy. That has been an important value for me.  To have space to be alone to connect with myself in the comfort of my garden space.

I imagine we all have our next door neighbor stories that are cringe worthy. Here are three of mine that surprised and in some cases shocked me.  My reactions though over the years have changed as my awareness has grown.  In the first two experiences I was angry and even felt rage, however in the third  I can laugh and I do not have the same attachments as I once did.  This enables me to experience empathy for what these neighbors may be going through, however, it doesn’t mean that I will  give in to them.

#1 – Killing the next door neighbor in Northern B.C. Community

I think the most traumatic for me is buying a house only to find out that a past house owner was shot and killed by the neighbor resulting from years of disputes. Unfortunately there wasn’t anything I could do to enhance the experience of living there after this news and we  re-sold.  My regret was the realtor didn’t disclose this to us before buying this house. One persons need is a waste of an others energy.

Not only was the news disturbing, it was how we were told by the neighbor who lived in the house of the jailed murderer.  This neighbors way was power over us as he told to us in a taunting manner the day after we moved in!  I recognized  a pattern and as this neighbor was RCMP, I knew guns would be on the premises.

#2 – Bullying and Taunting South Oak Bay Neighbor 

Getting outside in my yard to clear overgrown ivy along our fence line one day the neighbor immediately comes by and simply tells me to leave the overgrown blackberries and ivy.  What he didn’t view  was the danger underneath the ivy for our two small kids.  On their side the property was clear to the property line, however, on our side we lost 8 feet due to overgrowth.  Eventually we installed a beautiful natural fence that they immediately covered.  It wasn’t until they sold a few years later we discovered they had an outdoor shower close to the property line that was hidden by our original overgrowth.

I imagine had they disclosed their need for privacy to us we could have worked something out. However, his approach was to strut up and down the property line and tell us what we could and couldn’t do.  Another approach he had; waiting until my partner left for work to come over.  When I would answer the door he would go ahead and enter my home and begin asking me to store his equipment and extra household items while walking through the house to show me that I had the room and space to do so.  His defense was that the people living there before supported his wishes and so should we.  We didn’t of course and they sold and moved!

#3 – Neighbors who can speak English until they can’t in Oaklands!

In this third one, I find my own reactions are not as extreme as they have been in the past and that I am more resilient.  One new aspect of my reaction is my sense of humor!   Rather that going into the right and wrong thoughts in my head as in the past, I am more aware of my needs and those of my neighbors.  I imagine these neighbors are not aware of their needs as in reaction their solution is to not speak English.  In discussion they respond in angry loud voices.  I have two requests of  them.  One request is to not enter onto my side of the fence without checking in with me first and  the second is  to fix the fence that is falling over into my yard. This angers them as I am holding them accountable for broken plants, lights and gardening features along that side of the fence when they try to trim the top of the hedge that is too high for them.  At one point the tree tops falling onto my side where six feet in length.  They didn’t check to see what was or who was on my side before topping it.  They also have appeared in the yard to inspect other parts of my garden without cause or reason without checking in first.

A year ago their fence fell onto  my driveway where I park, however I just happened to not park there that one night.  Luckily as my car would have been damaged.  A year later they haven’t fixed the remaining fence line!

In the pictures above this is their latest attempt at trimming the hedge, which I can only imagine was done as a result of anger.  However, they did not realize the consequences of their actions.  They will now have to pay for a fence panel to cover this open space.  Money that they have tried to save by not fixing the original fence and not professionally topping the hedge that is becoming dangerous. This would have riled me up in the past, however, I can only smile.  “It is a tragic expression,”as Marshall Rosenberg would say, “of unmet needs!”


How can you detach and not get so caught up in your emotions in your relationships with your neighbors?

Two ways that I have come to this place of calmer logic with less hostility are:

  • practicing a value based language of honesty and respect along with a practice of learning to listen to what’s really going on underneath the reactions

and

  • learning what the significance of placement on one’s property is in relationship to life and experiences in support to improving ones lifestyle  (for instance in example three above, I will turn this into lemonade!)

Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people. R
Lifescapes (Landscapes)

 

Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

 

Finding a Front Doors Cardinal Direction

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By Renee Lindstrom

To find the front doors cardinal direction stand inside the front door and face out to take a reading using a compass.  I have found a great app for my phone that makes this easier than my old compass!  Below is a picture of the reading from inside my front door.   My front door faces SW.  This would make my front door a great candidate for painting red.  Too bad it is a rental home! Perhaps I can paint the trim around the window red!

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Read more on the Front Door Directions

Read More on the Importance of Front Doors


If you are longing for a personal consultation please inquire privately:
renee@insideawareness.com.  Renee Lindstrom offers:

Indoor & Outdoor Landscape Life & Wellness Consulting & Coaching which enhances relationships, emotions and flexible movement awareness!
Workshops and Events

Enhancing My Own Visibility of House Numbers has unintended outcome!


20150720_092004-1-1-1-1-1By Renee Lindstrom

Renting a property without a visible house number and not wanting to invest and money I came up with an idea when seeing this old metal farm house mail box at a give away table.  All it required was white paint and some metal numbers to screw on.  The cost was my time and the numbers picked up from our local hardware store. I already had the white paint!

What I was not counting on was the confused mail man.  Here was a mailbox that originally I had on the ground with a flap that did not open and close and still the persistence of the mailmen delivering mail would find them making the effort to put mail in while ignoring the newer and easier accessing one at the front door!

Therefore a word of precaution, sometimes our ideas tho’ unique cause unintended outcomes!

Read more on why it is important to display your house number


If you are longing for a personal consultation please inquire privately:
renee@insideawareness.com.  Renee Lindstrom offers:

Indoor & Outdoor Landscape Life & Wellness Consulting & Coaching which enhances relationships, emotions and flexible movement awareness!

Workshops and Events

House Numbers

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It is important that house numbers are prominently displayed.  It is a clear marker of your location, making it easy to find you and it is your statement of claim to being present and ready to receive.   It is one of the first observations when considering a space for improving the lifestyle and success of the occupants.

When missing there is confusion and reflects confusion in the householders family and community experiences.

If you are longing for a personal consultation please inquire privately:
renee@insideawareness.com.  Renee Lindstrom offers:

Indoor & Outdoor Landscape Life & Wellness Consulting & Coaching which enhances relationships, emotions and flexible movement awareness!

Workshops and Events


Read more on Landscape