On Feb 24th I wrote about conflict in neighbors relationships and boundaries. I mentioned how sometime previous to buying one of the houses I wrote about, the neighbor next door murdered the owner of the house. The house had been let go from rental occupancy and that is what thought we were getting. A rental fixer upper!
On the day we were moving in, the neighbor, now living in the murderers house, walked over and told us about the history of our two properties. I come from a family of tall people and this person didn’t have quiet their height, however the body posturing was massive. My partner and I felt uncomfortable. We found out this person was R.C.M.P. and I remember thinking I should feel pleased as it would be safe, yet my instincts didn’t match up. Thinking back, this was an experience where someone is trying to have power over me.
Hearing this news was unwelcome and it changed my expectations, hopes and dreams for this house. I thought it could be our forever home. It had that much potential. First of all not knowing where the owner was shot in the house began a personal obsession. I never knew if I would find anything each time we pulled up an old floor, baseboard, carpet or wall panel. Finally it got the best of me and I did some research. I found out it was on the front steps coming into the house. This was the worst news possible! I know this news had my full focus of attention. It was disturbing and I did not have the skills to understand what needs were not met or how to process it! The front door is the entrance to the house and where life enters. Here a life had been taken!
Even for a short time living in that house I can say it was never a home. Living in this space actually brought out unethical behaviors in both myself and my partner. Not obvious at first. It started off with small issues and experiences and was the catalyst for our break up! In that house we stopped trying to process our differences and began meeting our needs in other ways. We experienced conflict, violence, unethical drunken behavior and sexual betrayal, depression mental, emotional and physical pain. All in a short space of time!
When the house sold my partner and I had already found separate living arrangements and had split up our assets. Had I known then how a space can define your experience. who knows, perhaps there could have been something that could have been done to support resolving our differences more ethically. We resolved them, however with struggle, pain and deception.
How are you resolving your differences? In the above experience, I would now focus on a process of speaking honestly and listening with more empathy. I would also process my pain at hearing someones life had been taken in the space I was living in with my partner. I would extensively cleanse the house energetically and spiritually. I may even bring in the local aboriginal elders to bless the home and support a shift in the space. An unconscious intention had been created by the violent action and the cleansing would create a new intention for the space.
Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)
Center for Inside Awareness 