Tag Archives: Nonviolence

If something is broken in your relationship how does it affect your family?

Are you doing this:

by Renee Lindstrom

because you want this:

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Six months ago a caravan parked on our local street.  It was a young family; mom, dad, two kids, two cats and a dog,  arriving to set up a home planning to rent a  house temporarily until finding their own dream home in the Greater Victoria Region.  Dad had grown up here and wanted to raise his young kids on the West Coast.

The reason the husband shared his story is they wanted to block access to my home with their vehicles for a few days.  In speaking with him I had deja-vu. Some friends had traveled with him and his family and you could tell they had partied and enjoyed their travel time.  I wondered how it would be for them to move into a home where the earlier occupant also loved to have a good time with a revolving door of visitors that enjoyed a good drink or two!  The previous occupant was a friend and  hung around for a few weeks in party mode as they unpacked and settled.

With the previous tenant’s lifestyle influence and one partners love of partying   it wasn’t a happily ever after experience for them.  By December, 3 months later, a house had been bought, however not in the Greater Victoria Region.  One was purchased in the town they had recently traveled from.   When he told me he wanted to block my access to load up again, he shared a bit of his story.    He said it was important to move for the kids and to stop partying.  I could tell he was hung over.  Wow!

I felt empathy for him and his little family.  Being on this side of some life similarities, and with my training, I recognized his move to Victoria was a strategy to full fill something that wasn’t working for him in his lifestyle. He is travelling back into that same environment and states this choice is more important than his needs.   As he speaks his mannerisms tell that he isn’t convinced and not in agreement with this decision.  It’s been made for him. He says that it’s been a six month party and it was time to get serious.

I wondered if her intention is to be close to family and set up a home for the kids to meet her needs for safety and support in the event that they can’t resolve their differences.  I know as a mom that would have been my priority if my needs for shared values were not met in my marriage.  Hell, that happened to me!  We didn’t have shared values and I raised my kids alone!   My hope, for this young couple, is that they find a way to work through the reasons for travelling across the country in the first place.   Was it to try to find the aliveness that may have gone out of the relationship?

Three things I would have suggested once they arrived in Victoria:

  1.  Be aware of how an earlier occupant of a house can influence your experience.
  2. Choose to clear a house by setting your intention for the home you want to create.  Don’t fall into an earlier pattern.
  3. Take ownership of the space and set boundaries!

Three things I  would recommend for them now setting up a new home as they arrive to their new house:

  1.  Each of them check in and write out what is meaningful for the in  three areas:  1.  Relationships, 2.  Family & Home, 3.  Community
  2. Each of them take turns and honesty express what these are with a  willingness to hear and create new ones together.
  3. Follow the above three steps.

I hope they will take the time to do the above however they will not be arriving together.  One has gone ahead to set up the new house while the other is closing the other.  It may be one’s already claimed the space and the other will be a visitor!  I hope not!!!!!

This  story stimulated reflection of my earlier post:  How a previous murder influenced my marriage!  As I write this one a raven is calling and the snow is falling!

 


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

 

How a previous murder influenced my marriage!

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On Feb 24th I wrote about conflict in neighbors relationships and boundaries.  I mentioned how sometime previous to buying one of  the houses I wrote about, the neighbor next door murdered the owner of the house.  The house had been let go from rental occupancy and that is what thought we were getting.  A rental fixer upper!

On the day we were moving in, the neighbor,  now living in the murderers house, walked over and told us about the history of our two properties.  I come from a family of tall people and this person didn’t have quiet their height, however the body posturing was massive.    My partner and I felt uncomfortable.  We found out this person was R.C.M.P. and I remember thinking I should feel pleased as it would be safe, yet my instincts didn’t match up.  Thinking back,  this was an experience where someone is trying to have power over me.

Hearing this news was unwelcome and it changed my expectations, hopes and dreams for this house.  I thought it could be our forever home.  It had that much potential.  First of all not knowing where the owner was shot in the house began a personal obsession.  I never knew if I would find anything each time we pulled up an old floor, baseboard, carpet or wall panel.  Finally it got the best of me and I did some research.  I found out it was on the front steps coming into the house.  This was the worst news possible!  I know this news had my  full focus of attention.  It was disturbing and I did not have the skills to understand what needs were not met or how to process it!  The front door is the entrance to the house and where life enters.  Here a life had been taken!

Even for a short time living in that house I can say it was never  a home.  Living in this space actually brought out unethical behaviors in both myself and my partner.  Not obvious at first.  It started off with small issues and experiences and was the catalyst for our break up!  In that house we stopped trying to process our differences and began meeting our needs in other ways.  We experienced conflict, violence, unethical drunken behavior and  sexual betrayal, depression mental, emotional and physical pain.  All in a short space of time!

When the house sold my partner and I had already found separate living arrangements and had split up our assets.  Had I known then how a space can define your experience. who knows, perhaps there could have been something that could have been done to support resolving our differences more ethically.  We resolved them, however with  struggle, pain and deception.

How are you resolving your differences?  In the above experience, I would now focus on a process of speaking honestly and listening with more empathy.  I would also process my pain at hearing someones life had been taken in the space I was living in with my partner. I would extensively cleanse the house energetically and spiritually.  I may even bring in the local aboriginal elders to bless the home and support a shift in the space.  An unconscious intention had been created by the violent action and the cleansing would create a new intention for the space.


Transitioning from Language of Conflict into Language of Connection (based on Nonviolent Communication)

Recent Comment:  I love your cogent analysis of emotions = energy + story. So, emotions – story = energy freed. Yeh! thx, pat zzz
Recent Comment: Thanks very much for your wonderful classes and the way you teach us. I really appreciate that you have given the class a bit of extra time at the end to allow everyone to have their turn. I look forward to truly learning this technique of communicating and experiencing richer relations with people.
Lifescapes (Landscapes)
Learn more about Nonviolent Communication by author Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,
Jaw Release Program since 2007, Authored  Achieving your Goals  31 Day Program, Sleep Sweet Sleep, Kid’s Peace Bus Calendar of Values  Educational Program & InTouch with Your Values Self-Actualization Program.  Feldenkrais® Practitioner since 2007, Communication & Empathy Coach since 2004, Art of Placement  since 2000, Labyrinths of Victoria since 2012, #yyj Peace Week Grassroots Calendar Founder, Vice-Chair of World Children

Season for Peace

16th Annual Gandhi – King Seasons for Peace & Nonviolence – 64 Ways in 64 Days

Welcome to the announcement launching the 16th focused Season for Nonviolence that begins January 30th on the anniversary of  Gandhi’s  passing and ends on April 4, the anniversary of   Martin Luther King’s passing.   I am hoping that you are visiting this page as you are interested in ways you can personally participate or create events for your community!

64 Ways in 64 Days is a program that is being offered by an International group that has spent years collaborating resulting in a beautiful system for bring personal awareness to self-responsibility.

  • receive a daily reflection quote for yourself, organization, teen or child
  • take part in a learning programs during the season
  • create a program for your organization with ease through following guides

Some example programs:

  • Daily Affirmations • Quotations • Practices • Reflections 

The Season for Nonviolence’s foundational program, 64 Ways in 64 Days offers many ways for individuals to practice nonviolence throughout the Season. Here you can find materials for teens, children, group activities, public service announcements, formatted booklets, and a maṇḍala meditation tool.

  • Book Study • Key Concepts • Discussion Questions • Practice Exercises 

• 9 Weeks or Sessions
Based on the revolutionary book by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, this self-organizing group course adapted, from a study guide created by the Dalai Lama Foundation, is perfect for church or community groups of any size. In each session, participants will review two chapters from, Ethics for the New Millennium as the starting point for an in-depth exploration of ethics in our own lives and how these can be applied to transformation in our communities.

YOUR PARTICIPATION:

If you are in the Greater Victoria area and would like to gather for bringing this awareness to our community contact using the form below or email her at renee(at)insideawareness(dot)com.

Season for Peace and Nonviolence – Teens Daily Value Practice for week of April 2nd

64 Ways in 64 Days – 15th Gandhi, King, Chavez Season for Peace and Nonviolence

Week ten, Days 64 and 65:  Strength grows when we release ill-will, anger, and hate and replace it with an overflowing love for all ….

  • Days 64 and 65 – CELEBRATION (April 3 and 4)

Today is a day to celebrate all the work that you have done. Be proud of yourself for being willing to be the change you wish to see in the world. “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

Created for www.agnt.org and Season for Nonviolence – 2007 by Greater Dallas Task Force – www.64-days.org

Season for Peace and Nonviolence – Teens Daily Value Practice for Week of March 26th

64 Ways in 64 Days – 15th Gandhi, King, Chavez Season for Peace and Nonviolence

Week nine, Days 57 to 63:  By practicing being peaceful, we become better citizens of the world.

  • Day 57 – SERVICE (March 27)

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said,” Everybody can be great, because any body can serve. You only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.”  Choose one thing you can do to help serve the world. How would you enjoy serving? Make a commitment today to give back to the world in your own unique way. Every little thing makes a difference. Serving others makes you feel good about yourself.

  • Day 58 – CITIZENSHIP (March 28)

How can you be a better citizen of your community? You belong to many communities…your family, school, church, and your town. How can you improve your community today? Think about ways you can bring more peace to your environment.

  • Day 59 – INTERVENTION (March 29)

Alcohol and drug abuse cause violence and are a consequence of violence.  We all know someone whose life is affected by some sort of addiction. What can you do to help one of these people in your life? Encourage them to love themselves enough to reach out for help. Support them through this difficult time, and help them find the help they need.

  • Day 60 – WITNESSING (March 30)

Those who practice nonviolence look at injustice and think, “It is possible for this situation to be different.”  When you see injustice, what can you do to bring about a peaceful change? How can you stand up for peace in your life?

  • Day 61 – PEACE (March 31)

Thich Nhat Hanh wrote,” Practice watering seeds of joy and peace and not just seeds of anger and violence, and the elements of war in all of us will be transformed.” If you focus on peace, joy, and love in your life, you will experience more of that. But if your mind is filled with negativity, it is hard to experience the good in life.

  • Day 62 – COMMITMENT (April 1)

Take a moment to think of your commitment to nnonviolence. Are you willing to commit to a nonviolent lifestyle? What are you willing to change about yourself? Get with a partner and talk about this.

  • Day 63 – RELEASE (April 2)

Today, look back on how far we have come during this 64 daily practices of nonviolence. Make a list of what you need to release in order to be a nonviolent person. Is it your temper, your impatience, your judgmental attitude? Know that you always have a choice, and you can let go of things that do not serve you anymore. You can take your list and burn it, if you’d like. Release what is no longer serving you, and make new commitments to yourself to be more peaceful and loving. Know that you truly make a difference in the world.

Created for www.agnt.org and Season for Nonviolence – 2007 by Greater Dallas Task Force – www.64-days.org

Season for Peace and Nonviolence – Teens Daily Value Practice for Week of March 19th

64 Ways in 64 Days – 15th Gandhi, King, Chavez Season for Peace and Nonviolence

Week eight, Days  50 to 56:  Nonviolence challenges us to stand for Truth and take action that honors every human being.

  • Day 50 – CHOICE (March 20)

You have the option to choose a path of violence or nonviolence. We are always at choice in our lives. Today, choose nonviolence.

  • Day 51 – ADVOCACY (March 21)

“Every action for peace requires someone to exhibit the courage to challenge violence and inspire love,” said Buddhist teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh. How can you advocate for a better world today?

  • Day 52 – EQUALITY (March 22)

“Unity among every living thing.” Today, try to view everyone through loving, non-judgmental eyes. See them as though they are your own brothers and sisters.

  • Day 53 – ACTION (March 23)

“Be the change you wish to see in the world,” said Gandhi. Today, you have the choice between positive and negative action. Choose the most positive actions for the universe.

  • Day 54 – GIVING (March 24)

Giving and receiving go hand in hand. The more you give, the more you receive. Practice giving with no thought of return. Notice how people who never give to others, never receive from others. When you shut down your ability to give, you also shut down your ability to receive. Practice this and notice how your life changes for the better.  Give of your time, your energy, your material possessions, or just give love and support.

  • Day 55 – RESPONSIBILITY (March 25)

Take responsibility for your actions today. The quality of our world depends on you. What can you do today to better the world or even just your own environment? Think of ways you can be more responsible for helping your community, family, or your friends.

  • Day 56 – SELF-SUFFICIENCY (March 26)

Think about what you want to do for a living. What do you want your life to look like? What do you want to have? How do you want to feel? What steps do you need to take to get to your goals? How can you become self-sufficient?

Created for www.agnt.org and Season for Nonviolence – 2007 by Greater Dallas Task Force – www.64-days.org

Season for Peace and Nonviolence – Teens Daily Value Practice for week of March 12th

64 Ways in 64 Days – 15th Gandhi, King, Chavez Season for Peace and Nonviolence

Week seven – Days 43 to 49:  We can see and understand another person whether or not we agree with them.

  • Day 43 – UNIQUENESS (March 13)

How are you unique? What makes you different from your family? Your friends? Today, focus on your own beautiful uniqueness. Don’t judge yourself for your differences. Celebrate them.

  • Day 44 – COOPERATION (March 14)

When we work together we are stronger than when we work alone. What are some things you can do with others around you to make the world more peaceful?

  • Day 45—MASTERY (March 15)

To practice nonviolence, you must learn to master your anger. If you find yourself angry, use positive thoughts and count backwards, from 10 through one, to calm yourself. If you do this when you become angry, you will achieve mastery over your emotions.

  • Day 46 – COMPASSION (March 16)

Mother Theresa said, “Find someone who thinks he is alone, and let him know that he is not.” Today, offer your support to someone who needs it. Remember that everyone you meet goes through difficult things in their life. We all need love and support. Be that compassionate person today, and when you need compassion, people will be there to support you too. We must give compassion and love in order to receive it.

  • Day 47 – DISARMAMENT (March 17)

“…Nothing to kill or die for…Imagine all the people living life in peace…”- John Lennon. Talk to a random person today about what life would be like without weapons or war.

  • Day 48 – ECOLOGY (March 18)

Today, value the earth by recycling and using recycled products. Don’t just think for today. Think about what your world will be like for your grandchildren’s grandchildren and beyond that. It is our responsibility to heal this planet. We all deserve to have clean air, clean water, and a healthy food supply. Today, make a vow to stop contributing to the destruction of the planet. Do all you can and encourage others as well. If we want the world to change for the better, we must change it

  • Day 49 – HONOR (March 19)

 Honour the  people in your life who have loved and supported you through your hardest times, and those who will come to follow.

Created for www.agnt.org and Season for Nonviolence – 2007 by Greater Dallas Task Force – www.64-days.org