“If there are problems in the bedroom, there’s conflict!”
“If there are problems in the relationship there are problems in the bedroom!”
These are two comments I made at our 3rd Removing Obstacles to Love workshop last night! Our conversation was focused on the aspects of our primary relationships. Breaking it down into bite sized pieces, so to speak, there are four areas of focus in our primary relationships that affect each other. They are:
- Family/Community/Social Network
- Household Health/Financial
- Relationship (Interaction & Behavior)
- Intimacy
Our consideration was on the dynamics of unresolved issues and how some people can compartmentalized their relationship issues and still be intimate while others need to have resolution on outstanding issues to have their needs for safety met to be vulnerable enough for intimacy!
Where are you in this topic? Do you need the resolution of your unresolved issues with your partner to be as intimate as you like?
In this scenario, I suggested that if couples are open and honest with each other and they speak up about what is important to them in the moment that this present connection could lead them to intimacy. Why? It is the connection that is important, not the issues. Any unresolved issues is about not be seen, not being heard and not being valued! My recommendations are to slow down and listen. Learn to listen to your partners soul and your own!
Read more on Resolving Obstacle to Love Workshops
Integrating a language of love using a model designed for ‘natural listening!’ Practice speaking skills that will increase your opportunities for experiencing loving kindness between you and your loved one. Meet your needs to be seen, heard and valued while meeting the same needs for your partners. These gathering will focus upon developing one’s own abilities for deeper listening and pausing before speaking (reducing habitual reactions that cause misunderstandings).
Tip of the Day: Take your time noticing each other reactions and flirt-i-ness. If you are attracted you will make gestures that you find mirrored by them. Love this stage as this is the time of heightened dreams and hopefulness. Don’t rush past this stage and extinguish it too soon.
Today’s Tip: Explore your own inner messaging patterns. Do you beat yourself and others up? Imagine how attractive this is to others and commit to change through creative self-development! Begin your practice now!
Tip of the Day: Hang out first. No pressure. Just enjoy each other’s company. Everyone could use new friendships. This can be a time that is the honeymoon of friendships.
Tip of the day: Within 10 minutes you will know if it will be rewarding to put time and energy into pursuing a relationship. Notice it their eyes remain in contact with yours. This indicates they are into you. Notice if the words they use are the same or similar to yours. For example: Do you both use, Great as an expression or a statement such as I am interested in….. Pay attention to words they use that disturb you. This will never change it will only become more annoying!
Today’s tip: Use the 80/20 Rule
Inside Awareness Center for Integrative Somatic Learning 