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Tag Archives: Ego
InTouch Talking Circles, Speaking Peace Programs & Coaching include learning the leadership skill of holding space in acceptance of our ego, without judgement, to better go beyond it!
In 2001 Renee began a sacred circle that consisted of practitioners of different spiritual backgrounds. Our groups purpose was to deepen our personal experiences of Doctor Marshall Rosenberg’s speaking peace model. Those of us in the group all had a long history of personal practice in our own traditions and recognized the sacred connection that was missing in the speaking peace programs, except in personal experiences with Marshall himself. Therefore we attempted to create, not a practice group, but a sacred circle. We called in our various deities for support and to hold the space to help us go deep into our personal vulnerabilities and speak our own truths, even when it came to each others ego’s within the group. It was knowing each other from inside ourselves almost somatically versus what and who we were.
Fruition is appearing through those struggling through learning and as it pops up for those in my circle of learning – amazing connection of understanding and for me, gratification for contributing I am in the afterglow of three celebrations yesterday in three separate teaching moments that makes my heart sing! Each of the three completely different, couple, single, parent, yet all struggling with the pain of unconscious behaviour of their own and those around them. In the A-ha moments, the prior distress of waking up – gone! The one I would like to share is the feedback of one who recognized the value of getting ego out of the way to work mutually towards the good of the common goal! Wow, I have purposely not used the language of the dharma (ego) even tho having the recognition of these steps as the potential to actually create this experience. Going beyond our habit and learning how to be in a dialogue with understanding is amazing in my opinion!
Our last workshop in a series of six and the individual workshops have evolved into a deeper focus of practice and understanding empathy. The areas that came up for exploring included self-empathy, empathy in relationships and group empathy. The purpose was to support group members to recognize their own stories inside their mind that did not allow them to be present with what was actually happening in their relationship. How we have done this it by developing skills for learning to recognize and identify their thoughts and behavior as a result of their thinking.
The last exercise involved having a volunteer demonstrate a process while sharing a personal life event and transforming what they had been telling themselves about it into a connection that included the rest of body functions, outside of the frontal lobe of their brain!
At the beginning of the practice this participant shared their resistance at connecting to another person in their life. In the process ego dropped away as the mind stories became silent and what was real began to emerge. As the stories of their mind became less interesting , what was real was their new self-connection to what was being experienced in the moment. When the participant connected to what was real in them they expressed how they had a growing awareness of what was going on for the other person that went beyond their original resistance.
You couldn’t ask for more! The beauty that was visible in the participant and those in the group supporting this persons process was tangible through relaxed faces and the feelings of a group connection. Through the practice other participants began to recognizing their own stories and habits in experiencing how they supported the process. Did they become present to what they were hearing or did it stimulate their own stories or need to fix it by coming up with solutions. If so, all these participants witnessed how this breaks the emphatic connection and experienced the effects of disconnection of it becoming about them and their ego mind and no longer the person going through the exercise.
Beautiful! The participants having a practice of learning a language of connection demonstrated the ability to go beyond the disruption and carry the process back to the original speaker while holding empathy for the interrupter’s!
This brings up the question – Is empathy the absence (quieting) of ego?
For more information on these workshops with Renee Lindstrom go to relationships link
In a group dialogue I listened to a secondhand viewpoint on anger from someone who had attended a workshop. This view was that anger could be focused in a way that wasn’t from a source of ego, yet simply to cut through it (ego).
Reflecting, I had memories of reading this message in Rinpoches dharma teachings and witnessing this skillfully in action, by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, and experiencing it unskillfully from another teacher.
The person sharing in our current group seems to attracted to this topic and that it was relevant to her in the general topic we had been asked to discuss. This filled me with curiosity on how to marry these two together.
Coming back, what about anger? I shared above how one person used skillful means in the process of cutting through the anger with no ego and one who had not achieved this skill, yet thought they had. I believe the difference in these two experiences is that one person had the skills of empathetic listening (of themselves and for others) and one did not. The second person carried an authority of knowing something and was not interested in others perspectives. My experiences was their only interest was being their teacher. Both these teachers had their own journey of experiencing and learning therefore, in my opinion, neither were right or wrong. It was simply them!
What is the key to healthy anger? The hint in the last paragraph – empathetic listening! My perspective is that developing the ability to listen to your anger and go through it’s protective layer to what is alive underneath will release the current charge or grip of it.
The beauty of it is this experience is can become a new skill to resolve anger issues of the past and for new issues. You may even begin to recognize that you are NOT triggered by the same old events.
Another key lesson is soon as you are honest with yourself and accept your anger without judgement it becomes the basic skill for hearing anger in others with deepened empathy!
I understand anger as being an emotion to notice some action needs to be taken. Anger, therefore in this sense, is the protective use of force. An example could be a child crossing the street. It is anger that will increase adrenalin and provide the force to get there in time and out of harms way!
I wonder if skillful use of anger without ego then is anger without being attached to an outcome and therefore it is spontaneous (not a result of old issues and aggression. A flash in the frying pan action, if you will, that will release the tension of the moment and result in a healthier outcome when combined with the right techniques to process and move forward with mutuality of all sides!