Tag Archives: Behavior

Thinking and Posture have a relationship

Did you know that for every thought you have a picture is projected in your mind, and a physical pattern is created in your body and nervous system?

  • Stop self sabotaging by learning your own habits that are keeping you from success in your life and relationships.

  • Come to know and support what matters to you.

  • Change yourself first.  Create your own personal objectivity through understanding, awareness and skill development.

getting InTouch Coaching & Programs are designed to support change in your thinking and your body postures for ease in transforming your experience to experiencing success in your life.

READ MORE ON CONNECTIONS BETWEEN MOVEMENT AND POSTURE TO CONFIDENCE AND POWER IN YOUR WORLD

Behavior & best & worst times for change:

WHAT TO EXPECT THIS WEEK

Behavior & best & worst times for change:

  • Monday Evening (Yesterday) ~ First Quarter
    Best time for noticing details and initiating change

     

Self Aware
Early rising
Increase in exercise, strength
Developing and Initiating Change
Socializing more
Increased awareness & compassion
Women:  Loving, Intimate, Sharing Secrets
Men:  Burst of emotions, flirtatious
Sleeping is deeper with dreams of past

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Brain Balance – Begins with Behavior Awareness & Recognition

right-brain-left-brain

Being yourself

Until you learn to name your ghosts and to baptize your hopes, your have not yet been born:  you are still the creation of others.

Marie Cardinal

School for first timers!

Preparing for fall workshops in the community I was invited to a meeting to discuss what the school Counselors would like me to present in my Parenting and Teacher  getting Intouch Workshops.  In this meeting  I learned many possibilities for supporting parents who are getting their little one’s off to school for the first time.

Sitting now at this end of the parenting years (17 and 19 years old) and looking back  I remembered how lost my children and I where entering the first time.  We didn’t know we were lost!

I would like to say the first time was kindergarten yet we discovered each year and each teacher is a first time experience.  Sorry parents.  There are the milestones of being in elementary, moving to middle school and then up to high school.  Each time is a new experience.

Lets go back to kindergarten.  Even after a few years of pre-school immersion and early child focused classes,  school was a huge adjustment and learning curve for all of us.  Besides being able to cut, color, draw, paint and create little projects children that are attending kindergarten are now  expected to be able to:

  • have letter recognition,
  • write letters,
  • know the beginning sounds, 
  • have reading readiness (awareness of words going from left to right)
  • be attentive and follow directions
  • have polite social skills

  for description of each point – go to link

Wow!  My mother was a stay at home mom and these learning goals she  left to the teacher.  This was before kindergarten and pre-school!  Wanting to be better prepared myself I did have my children in a part-time pre-school and filled their time with other learning activities like early childhood music  and many socialization opportunities.  We also had a full schedule of our own activities and play learning.  Yet, when it came to school, we lacked the preparedness level expected of them.  I discovered that I had focused upon a different set of skills and apparently so did the pre-schools!

The first ugly thing to rear its head that became a huge distraction for us was behavior.  Yes parents in kindergarten.  A wake up call.  As a fresh new mom with beautiful and innocent children this was a nightmare and the last thing I expected.  We ran into bully kids, bully parents, bully teachers, bully secretaries, bully school principals.  No discrimination here!  Yet they all had one thing in common.  Each one was trying the best way they knew how to get their needs met.

I want to support kids in the best way I know how and that is through supporting parents, teachers and schools in finding new ways of integrating behavior awareness, that with practice, makes life easier and more fulfilling.  Therefore after the requests of the above mentioned meeting and to support my current classes I have begun this series of supportive tips.

My goal focus  is to present material to parents that would include the educators needs yet still include the parents perspective.   As I was hearing the needs expressed from the members of the school administration I was able to discriminate my parenting  needs without judgement either way.   Unique, yes and it will allow a rounded outlook that includes more equality.  

Parents stay in touch and find concrete solutions for supporting your children through tips and fall workshops.

Intimacy in relationships

Intimacy in relationships begins with an experience!   Intimacy begins with tenderness in our skill of  listening and ability for reflecting back.  It is our willingness to hear and not to only be heard.

  • How many of us want to be held and touched tenderly by our lovers?  
  • Why would our conversations be any different?  
  • Can you remember  a time when the tender kindness that went into your intimate touch was matched in your conversation with your lover?  When that tenderness is not in the conversation do you imagine them as your lover in that moment?
  • When was a time that you both shared anything with each  tenderly and felt accepted exactly as you are?

I believe it is more important to create an experience of intimate connection in conversation first before mastering the correctness of how to speak to each other.  Ever coach a couple only to hear one partner tell the other how it’s done?  Intimacy maker? No!    If you forget how it should be done and have the experience of intimate connection you are more apt to take chances, be creative  and develop your courage to tell each other what really matters.   This is when I experience couples commit to keep trying to hear what is meaningful in what the other person is trying to share.  If  you have to learn how to do it and get it right first, before the connection, it tells me that you are feeling frightened and need the safety of being right and getting your way at the expense of your partner.

Therefore with couples the primary focus is to walk them through a dialogue  dance that isn’t focused on how to do it.  It is focused on doing it and accepting whatever arises so that it is  easy for them to feel heard and understood.  This is when they feel safe to share important issues.  

Each partner is being coached to make the dialogue about themselves  to translate each story they bring up into being about themselves and never staying in the habit of  making it about the other person.  Talk is slowed down so that each partner can reflect and that the dialogue is never one-sided.  It means pausing to connect to what is being said before bringing up other issues so that both have a say.

It definitely isn’t for the faint hearted.  It is for couples wanting to work on their intimacy, vulnerability and grow their relationships to bring warm loving kindness and spiciness back into the experience.

This week I had an opportunity to stand beside and guide couples into their vulnerability to the point the veil of self protection  fell away.  From this place of deep meaning it is one of the most tender sweet spots to find oneself in.  By standers included!  You are where it really matters.   When couples commit to continue coming back to try and express in a way they both can be heard,  isolated behavior and fear looses its power, humor develops and it becomes easier.    This is when it becomes about the relationship and not about winning.  

Behavior is the art “man” has forgotten!

Have I ever told you how much I enjoy myself!   I have the best position in the world!  I watch workshop members integrate information and see change in them in as little as two hours.

In two seemingly separate workshops yesterday the members heard me say,  “If you don’t use it you lose it!” Both workshops are designed around personal exploration with the intention to increase the use of participants brains in a novel way.  One through movement to increase balance and the other relationship behavior.  We know our relationships are based upon behavior , yet when you consider movement, it too is a learned behavior!

The workshop members are looking for change and to improve their life abilities in some way.  Those only looking for reassurance that they have the answers already move on quickly to the next novel workshop.  Those who stay, do so as they are tired of seeking answers from external sources and are wanting sincere change.  They are willing to go beyond thinking about it and finding easy answers.  They are willing to explore and deepen their understand through practical experience.  That’s when the magic happens and brains mapping increases.  I see a shift in facial expressions, body posture and tone.  This is when tiredness turns into engagement, fear turns into contentment, and lack of supporting oneself turns into personal power of supporting oneself.

I also enjoy the verbal feedback that comes from participants. One of our workshops from yesterday explored deepening patterns of listening.  A practice of a simple pattern of steps was introduced with an explanation of how it was similar to a pattern used in other parts of our culture to increase safety.  At the end of the night one participant shared they had just spent the past weekend in a loving kindness meditation.  While listening to their teacher they had moments of  joyful surprise when what they heard was similar  to what they had been learning and practicing through our workshops together.

The difference for me is that our workshops are based upon the practical application:   to act from conscious action in the moment you are living the experience.  It is not a practice of  faith, tradition or spirituality. It is not the dogma.  It is a series of steps to recognize and  change behavior.   I believe it may support the art of living one’s faith!  Perhaps it is the bridge  to bring that loving kindness into a moment of action.

I know for myself  that  I can meditate until the cows come home and still my relationships interactions outside of the mediation space remain the same.   The experience is not translating into real life action.  Yet I notice that when I have the courage to listen first and then speak authentically and honestly,  the same quality of experience rises up within as when I have been in long mediation!

Have I ever told you how much I enjoy this? When I imagine the Japanese Zen artist drawing from a state of mediation and holding the calligraphy pen to draw the circle of life or the dot of awakened state,  I draw a comparison.  I know the behavioral pattern awareness and integration process  I share to be the pen.  My opinion is that they are the tool to increase skill levels of  behavioral action in the moment of living it.

Behavior is the art “man” has forgotten!