Category Archives: Uncategorized

“When Mommy and Daddy fight”

Imagine your child/ren watching and hearing you and your partner disagree.  Conflict between two people is normal and natural.  Rather than beat yourself up and either guilt talk your child or ignore them, what if you talk empathy?  Yes!, accept responsibility for having feelings that sometimes come out in a way you don’t like!  Example:

______________________________________________________

(Name), last night Daddy and I used our loud voices when we disagreed about
cleaning the kitchen after dinner. I regret (or I am sorry for) getting angry at
daddy in front of you. I was needing some space by myself to settle and rest
and was feeling frustrated and rushed.

I imagine it’s scary for you to hear daddy and I raise our voices and show you our big feelings. Is that right? _________(answer)_______________. I bet you need us to be kinder and more considerate (age appropriate words). Is that
want you would like? __________(encourage talking).

I would like that too. Sometimes just like you, I get big feelings and they
come out before I can catch them. How about we make a deal (or I make an agreement with you), that if daddy and I use our loud (big) voices when we are feeling frustrated, that when I feel calmer I will come and check in with you to talk about how this was for you? Would you like this?

_______________________________________________________

Parenting Workshops with Renee Lindstrom coming up at James Bay Community Centre and Vic West Community Association.  Go to  learning opportunities for parents .

Think, Speak, Act Workshops with Renee Lindstrom coming up at Monterey Recreational Centre.  Go to personal development Learning opportunities.

All Classes

Today is:

International Day of Tolerance

Find out more @ link

Tolerance:

superstickies (31)

 “Tolerance is the positive and cordial effort to understand another’s beliefs, practices, and habits without necessarily sharing or accepting them.”   Joshua Loth Liebman

November is:

superstickies (30)

How would you describe your experience?

_______________________________________________________

Today is:

World Science for Peace and Development Day!

Find out more @ link

Create space for slowing down to notice and

experience momentary presence!  Have something uniquely beautiful to you that causes your eyes to rest and your mind to stop for even a moment.

IMG_20131027_155103

 

Maturing, Experiential and Qualitative ‘Heart’ Empathy ~ taking the power out of labels: conflict, bullying

There are only experiences of met needs and unmet needs in any moment. Feelings are stimulated by these met and unmet needs and it is from these feelings that there is a reaction or action,  a behavior.  This behavior becomes the focus and is labeled with evaluative experiences words such as; *conflict, bullying, pushed around and betrayed.   These are judgment  or ego labels describing an experience versus digging deeper and understanding what  is causing the behavior.  

The person labeling the experience may have unmet needs themselves with the behavior and trying to meet their own needs for safety and support.   Their own automatic reaction habits may be to label the experience or person and go into solutions of fixing what they perceive as being wrong – the outcome of the experience versus why it happened. 

Empathetic listening skills can replace punitive actions with learning to focus on the source of the behavior versus coming up with solutions and trying to fix the behavior.  The outcome is the behavior changes while the person who is reacting is seen and heard with acceptance versus being identified as a problem and someone who needs fixing!  

Renee Lindstrom, 10/27/13

Empathy and Needs Integration Program starting Nov 3rd!