I celebrate a transition I witnessed in someone I was able to work with who was deeply withdrawn from their vitality for life. I was lucky enough to be more fully engaged than normal with this student that meant I could influence their daily schedule. I slowly changed their daily sleep and waking patterns. In the morning I would open their drapes and with an energized voice sing out, “Good Morning.” I tell students it takes about two weeks to integrate new habits and sure enough it was about two weeks when entering the room to open the drapes this person threw back their covers and in a sing song voice sang out, “Good morning.” This was a celebration and a confirmation that the environment influences mental, emotional, and physical expressions. Remember the opposite is equally as true – attitudes and language that are a Debbie downer well, that becomes your energy. It is important to know the influences surrounding you.
January can be the time where it’s hard to rock past choices that weren’t in alignment with what makes you truly happy. Sometimes decisions are made from a mindset of what ones thinks is safe or from others bad advice, yet what is unknown is the long term effects of false safety choices. (Safety isn’t stagnant, it’s in ones agility) Long term effects begins to express themselves through the range of depressed and anxious emotions in one’s emotional, mental, and physical functions. It seems January is when the reality of the truth hits. After the glitter distraction of December with social engagements and the ra ra of New Year’s celebrations and goal projections, January can be when there is no denial. It’s obvious. The biggest recommendation I am currently sharing is for individuals to get back to the simple basics of committing to themselves. Rather than focus on an ego driven topics of the day the suggestion is to begin to privately set yourself up for success. The first step is to celebrate the wins and regret the losses. This begins with writing out 3 to 5 things at night of what you would like to accomplish the next day. That’s the commitment.
At the end of that next day reflect on the goals you accomplished and celebrate yourself by noticing how it feels. (yes, feelings can be the celebration!) For the ones you didn’t do pause and consider what you did do. Afterall life is spontaneous and there is more than one choice in any moment. So what did you do? Hold both regret and celebration for not meeting a goal but recognizing the unintended one. Pulling back this veil is the only way one can tap into what is meaningful making recognition of choices in the moment easier. An attitude will emerge with increased clarity of what is more meaningful, the goal or the distraction. Staying on track will become easier. It’s all in the mindset and shifting it for an improved way of being with self.
The bonus is that this pattern shifts habits and soon getting up in the morning is easier and brighter. It’s all in the intention. Intention creates motivation. So include an inner commitment to connect to self for integrating change from the inside out. Balance out the extroverted broadcasting that becomes the pedestal that can cause mental, emotional and physical crashes.
I have witnessed that the numbers of those with functional limitations that start from the ways of thinking match those with injuries and medical conditions in my Feldenkrais® Method of Somatic Education classes and personal sessions. These long term experiences of word and sentence structure in language integrates in unconscious function. They become hidden behavioural habits rooted in our cultural thinking patterns of the past that creates future anticipation. A physical injury or condition is obvious and conscious to those with these experiences and their healing network. The anticipation of expectation is unconscious and not as obvious to the experiencer or their healing network. These types of limitations are equally yoked. The key is to bring them into conscious awareness and expose them in an integrative way with no attachment of judging it or going into past stories. The nervous system is packing around the past therefore change is only in being able to catch the response. Becoming conscious of it as it is happening. This is the beauty for me in the marriage of conscious movement and conscious inner and outer ways of thinking and communicating.
Triangulation never works out. It fractures relationships and situationships. Yet our learned dialogue patterns in the West are founded upon creating this very pattern. With young children and empathy coaching students I tried to have the two parties engage with each other rather than give advise when solicited for it. When someone comes to you for advise you become a third sider as it is not your situation. Therefore if you share your opinion or perspective you are interfering instead of holding the space for the advice seeker to find their own connection to resolving it. If I gave my opinion or perspective as the 3rd sider, I would be influencing an outcome, not mine to influence.
Learning and integrating Marshall Rosenberg’s dialogue pattern was like the universe took a breath and let go of all this tension surrounding me. This pattern supports others in a way too that reduces the spectrum of negative emotions and begins to limit conflict in the environment. With my children they would have some situation between them and rather than engage in resolving it they would come to me to tell on each other. Unfortunately for them I didn’t involve myself in the story they were telling and rather steered them to listening to each other in a way they could hear what was alive in them and each other. In the moment it takes time until the pattern is learned, however it saves energy and reduces conflict long term. Think about a situation of gossip that harmed you in the past and how long it took to get over it or for clarity to come.
Consider your pattern of third siding. Do you become an authority over others in situations that aren’t yours or do you genuinely listen to the person seeking advice and hold the space for them and the party they are seeking to get clarity about? Those seeking advice consider if you are letting others have power over what it is you are seeking advice about. This is important as it directly interferes with self-trust, self-esteem and self-confidence. The self-inquiry then becomes why am I letting someone tell me what to do? It becomes far more important that the original need for checking in with them in the first place. Do they really have my best interest at heart? What need are they meeting? Why? As soon as someone knows the answers of what you should be doing they are not holding your best interest to heart. They are directing you in a way to meet their needs – power over. It puts you in a power under experience that grows and sometimes can become abusive.
Coaching people using empathic listening has open ended the spectrum of situationships. It’s not limited to business coaching, leadership coaching, life coaching, etc., etc. Having an array of different purposes in these sessions has been interesting (a huge personal need) and the style isn’t cheerleading. In my last post I shared the following: Peoples words matter to one’s ability to be in the energy they need to level up. If people are creating conflicts, doubts and sabatoshing your ideas through their feedback this is an obstacle in your ability to manifest it.
I repeated this as it is a common thread through all the situationships I have coached. In the coaching stage pettiness, revenge, anger, strategies to cause harm and rage surface. What I know for certain is that in order to lead a successful life at home and in business these reactions can’t be fed if they are ignited. I call them being in the frying pan of reaction. They need to be defused. That is if you want to have ease, balance and success.
As a business person can you imagine running a business and spending your time and energy on this shadow side versus building an empire. Imagine the quality of the energy within the empire that’s being built. I can’t imagine it’s life enriching. In employee, employers situationships this shadow side could cause irreparable damage to both the business and the staff. In relationships it can be devastating. On occasion it involves whole communities either work or family that I have observed is a quick burnout and crash.
What’s missing for counterbalancing the reaction stage is effective listening. This is not available through family or friends as the typical listening that our culture has set us up for is to increase the flames of the fire and not defuse it. Rather than logically review the actual facts that can be agreed upon to make a connection that results in positive outcomes, reactions escalate and outrageous strategies are put into play. Strategies that are hard to come back from, if ever. That is usually when I get a call. At the end of a relationship, at the end of one’s ability to tolerate circumstances etc. So the next time you find yourself in a situation of listening to someone who is in reaction consider what feedback you’re giving. Are you escalating the situation? If so, ask yourself why, it’s not your situation and neither party is at fault. It usually is a tragic expression of unmet needs. It becomes about you and is no longer about the person having the original reaction. This is the most important aspect of defusing early in the first stages. Why? Usually the original person with the reaction will process it on their own and you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. How many of us have had that experience? I remember needing empathy myself in my own relationship and speaking with friends. I would resolve it however my friends would always be unfavourable towards my partner. Ha. Listening, not fanning the flames.
M C’s endorsement of Renee Lindstrom’s Inside Awareness Method of Self Mastery and Creative Living.
I was well into an active, happy and productive retirement from my university teaching and research career, when I fell and fractured my left upper arm. Although the bone healed well and I had a course of rehabilitative physiotherapy and then osteopathy treatments, I continued to have pain and decreased mobility in my shoulder and arm. It was this lingering problem that eventually took me to Renee Lindstrom. Now more than a year later, I’m swimming again, quite comfortably. More than finding relief from that accident’s effects, I have learned from Renee to reconsider my body and to become aware of how its functioning is integral to how I live in, confront and respond to the world.
At age 86, I have until recently been blessed by good health, such that I could more or less ignore my body. It seemed to work for me until the past year when I was diagnosed with cancer and had to have a course of chemotherapy. I felt that my body had let me down when I was unable to continue blithely living the life that I wanted to, without attentiveness. This is when Renee’s work with me based on her special knowledge, experience and practical and interpersonal skills really made the difference. With quiet confidence and patience, she is coaching me to participate successfully, at my advancing age, in taking the steps that bring me back into the possibilities that are available to me now. I’m finding this learning process, among other things, a very interesting, enabling and captivating “project”.
Micro-movementsusing the Feldenkrais® Method of SomaticEducation
on Mondays:
Sept 16 – Oct 28 ’24
Nov 04 – Dec 16 ’24
Felt sense through the Body
1 – 2 pm – Balance
2:30 – 3:30 p.m. – Awareness through Movement
Upcoming Workshops
Feldenkrais® is a system for learning new actions through movement to increase one’s function and quality of life. There is no dogma or self-image attached to this system of independent self-learning. This means it introduces a focus on what you can do, not what you can’t. It reduces limiting beliefs by increasing the focus of attention on the present moment. As an empath, I can trust the Feldenkrais® experience as it deepens my inner understanding, clarity, and skeletal support through perception. It taps into the same dynamic of inner support that I trusted as a baby to stand up and begin taking my first step.
I recommend it to everyone longing to be free of the past and to shift the fear of the unknown future. I especially recommend it for those who have been given labels and now identify with them. The only way to transformation is through a new action.
Dedicated Feldenkrais Focus, influenced by Somatic Dialogue & Awareness of Environment Stimulation to function
Inside Awareness Center for Integrative Somatic Learning 