Coaching people using empathic listening has open ended the spectrum of situationships. It’s not limited to business coaching, leadership coaching, life coaching, etc., etc. Having an array of different purposes in these sessions has been interesting (a huge personal need) and the style isn’t cheerleading. In my last post I shared the following: Peoples words matter to one’s ability to be in the energy they need to level up. If people are creating conflicts, doubts and sabatoshing your ideas through their feedback this is an obstacle in your ability to manifest it.
I repeated this as it is a common thread through all the situationships I have coached. In the coaching stage pettiness, revenge, anger, strategies to cause harm and rage surface. What I know for certain is that in order to lead a successful life at home and in business these reactions can’t be fed if they are ignited. I call them being in the frying pan of reaction. They need to be defused. That is if you want to have ease, balance and success.
As a business person can you imagine running a business and spending your time and energy on this shadow side versus building an empire. Imagine the quality of the energy within the empire that’s being built. I can’t imagine it’s life enriching. In employee, employers situationships this shadow side could cause irreparable damage to both the business and the staff. In relationships it can be devastating. On occasion it involves whole communities either work or family that I have observed is a quick burnout and crash.
What’s missing for counterbalancing the reaction stage is effective listening. This is not available through family or friends as the typical listening that our culture has set us up for is to increase the flames of the fire and not defuse it. Rather than logically review the actual facts that can be agreed upon to make a connection that results in positive outcomes, reactions escalate and outrageous strategies are put into play. Strategies that are hard to come back from, if ever. That is usually when I get a call. At the end of a relationship, at the end of one’s ability to tolerate circumstances etc. So the next time you find yourself in a situation of listening to someone who is in reaction consider what feedback you’re giving. Are you escalating the situation? If so, ask yourself why, it’s not your situation and neither party is at fault. It usually is a tragic expression of unmet needs. It becomes about you and is no longer about the person having the original reaction. This is the most important aspect of defusing early in the first stages. Why? Usually the original person with the reaction will process it on their own and you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. How many of us have had that experience? I remember needing empathy myself in my own relationship and speaking with friends. I would resolve it however my friends would always be unfavourable towards my partner. Ha. Listening, not fanning the flames.
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Inside Awareness Center for Integrative Somatic Learning 