”A hard to hear message.” How many of these do we receive in a day?
When you are listening to your love partner share something meaningful for them or to make a request and you become surprised that it begins by being about you, stop yourself before reacting in a habitual way. Either ask them for a time out moment to collect yourself or don’t be afraid to tune them out. Take time to pause and remind yourself that this is a hard to hear message. Any statement you hear your beloved begin with; ”how you affect them,” or making a judgement about you by saying, “you are” or “you do” is a stimulus for you to become triggered, therefore, stop and notice your reaction.
Follow this up by acknowledging to your partner, “Boy, this is a hard to hear message, would you mind rephrasing this in away that I can be reminded of my own beauty (or value)”, or “would you mind rephrasing this so that I can stay connected to who I a really am.”
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This week begin to make a conscious effort to notice your own inner response to hearing requests of you from your love partner. Notice if you are enjoying how the requests are made and if not, what is coming up in you. Rather than react habitually, stop become curious about what is alive in you and name the feelings or sensations. Do not hesitate to say to your partner, Would you be willing to rephrase this question so that it is not about me. I want to hear what truly matters to you, yet when you make it about me, I cannot hear you in the way I would like to. Give yourself support in becoming present in these moments.
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Renee Lindstrom, passionately shares ways for connecting to the beauty with in each of us for the purpose of finding ease in connecting to ourselves and others. She is a past director on the board of the B.C. Network for Compassionate Communication and is currently focused upon the creating local Awareness for the Gandhi, King, Chavez Seasons for Peace and Nonviolence. Renee can be reached by email – firstname.lastname@example.org.