‘Finding the skills to stop telling my kid what and how he should be doing his life!’

My son is home for a week to fill up his tank with unconditional love!  This morning I wondered if my son and I are old souls with an agreement to continue on through lifetimes in some form of relationship!  Is our agreement to share lessons that turn out to become milestones and  powerful experiences?  We are both dominant kinesthetic learners which means we are extremely sensitive to each others feelings pre-verbally.  This often becomes a trigger and can sabatosh harmony!

I noticed he had a movement pattern that I knew could be supported with a movement lesson.  He accepted my offer to work with him and while doing so, I was able to engage his somatic experience to such a degree that he went into a deep rest that appears as sleep.  I know this rest is extremely powerful in calming nerves and shifting one out of anxiety.  It is a state that gives rest when none is available in one’s regular routine.  I have only had one practitioner in my life time who I experienced this with personally and she was unable to let it be a part of our experience together.  She would pull me out of this rest due to her own fear and not understanding it.

However, I let my boy stay in this state to enjoy the quality of the rest he was experiencing.  I did not want to wake him by leaving the office so I decided to sit and meditate while he rested.  Settling in, a recent conversation came to mind on the Hawaiian practice of releasing attachments.  It seemed appropriate in this moment to practice my interpretation of the Ho‘oponopono Clearing Mantra.

Sitting in mindfulness with the intention of releasing mental, emotional, physical and lifestyle attachments to this child, I began reciting:

In reciting this mantra I quickly recognized it was about me releasing my drama around this young man to free him of my responses, reactions and moral judgments.  My experience of this practice unexpectedly provided me with freedom!  Freedom for acceptance of myself and my actions!  In the few days since, I notice I am less attached to what I think he should be doing that is creating more space in my mind.  I am acting on my own needs instead of focusing on my opinions about what he is doing!  Whew, a relief for us both.

I cannot predict his or our future, however, I can say that I am more grounded and connected with myself and in our relationship as young adult and mom.  I like him even more than I did before and am not concerned with what he is not doing or is going to do.  During his childhood my focus was on what he was doing and how he was affecting and contributing to the family that allowed me to experience empathy for my own parents and siblings.  Once he left home this shifted to what I did and how I contributed to this child’s family experience that allowed me to reflect upon my pain, guilt and joy of my parenting and begin to take accountability and responsibility of my actions. Now reciting the Ho‘oponopono Clearing Mantra focused on my son it has shifted into acceptance.

I have been told that Hawaiian Families come together when a family member is ill to practice this Ho‘oponopono Clearing Mantra with them.  The purpose is to release attachment for a better healing journey.

Reciting this mantra was a heartfelt experience and I believe it has given a greater degree of separation to let us have greater autonomy.  If and when he ever discusses his pain around any parenting situation he experienced with me, it is my opinion that I will be able to be more empathetic and less attached to my fear of being judged.  I believe I will be more honest and be a better listener! This is the gift I want to give my kid!    No more fixing, strategizing or enabling!

Renee Lindstrom, GCFP,