Tag Archives: getting InTouch Communication

Empty Mind in Action ~ Growing Relationships

Chogum Trungpa Rinpoche, originally from Tibet, taught North Americans  a structure to experience mindfulness in meditation.  A structure to occupy the mind and body with focus of attention in a particular way to encourage the mind to slow down to have freedom from thought driven action.

The structure in mediation is particular.  You enter into a room with reverence, sit on a cushion that has a mat between it and floor.  You have a choice of sitting in two or three positions.  When you sit you notice your thoughts and practice labeling them, “thinking.”  You follow your breath outwards counting for cycles of 10 breathes.  As you sit you notice when your thoughts wander off and then as soon as you notice this you simply bring yourself back.  Your eyes are aimed at about 6 feet in front of you down towards the floor and an you begin to sense the environment.   Sitting begins at a cycle of 20 minutes, walking mediation for 10 and back to sitting for 20 minutes.  For a retreat the 20 minutes stretches into longer periods of time.  The purpose is to begin to have an experience of empty space between the thoughts.  An experience quite unlike a mind driven experience.

Sharing getting In-touch’s  Think, Speak and Act workshops based on world recognized models for communicating and development, a dawning realization is for the need of a similar structure.  Chogyam was sharing that the mind needs attention and a structured system of focusing it to participate, not dominate.  Our series of classes has evolved into realizing this same need for structure with a purpose of giving the mind space between thoughts and allowing it room for participating, not dominating.    This then deepens the quality.  Therefore it isn’t the quantity of thoughts and filling up the silence that matters, it’s the quality that becomes recognizable.  Therefore a growing mindfulness can come from learning while developing a lite quality of  curiosity  in studying ones own behavior.

A recent comment, “When I hold onto the thoughts in my mind that want to jump out and only share back what I am hearing from my friend, my friend shares more.  I am getting to know more about this person and  I thought I already knew everything about  them.  They are also speaking from a deeper place.”

Learning opportunities to discover for yourself how to improve your relationships with clarity and developing mindfulness, western style, are available.  For more explore the classes listed, inquire about presentations, workshops and coaching.  There are organized group classes, classes designed with your needs in mind, on-line classes and private sessions for coaching and improving your relationships.

Don’t Argue – Discuss by Dr. John C. Maxwell

Below is a list on some pointers for entering or being in a stimulating discussion.   I enjoy sharing these pointers in the first part of a getting InTouch Communication  learning process  for checking inwardly to find out what is alive and give time for understanding and clarity.  

 The following article is by Dr. John C. Maxwell:

Discussions can be healthy, since they have the potential to build relationships and result in a “win” for everyone. On the other hand, arguments are rarely good. Why? They are forceful attempts to change another person’s point of view, and thus result in a “winner” and a”loser.”

Arguments always cause some damage, even if you “win.” The next time you find yourself involved in a conflict of opinion, use these guidelines to make it aDISCUSSION—resolving the issue while building the relationship.

    • Welcome the Disagreement. The other person may have a perspective you haven’t considered, so be thankful for it. Maybe this is your chance to be corrected before making a mistake.
    • Distrust Your First Inclination to Defend Yourself. Defensiveness is often a natural reaction. But be careful—when you justify yourself, it’s hard to change your position later. Plus, you’ll miss the benefit of the other person’s ideas.
    • Control Your Temper. Getting angry always makes communication harder, not easier. So simmer down before you blow your top.
    • Listen First. Give your “opponent” a chance to talk. Don’t defend or debate. Build bridges of understanding, not barriers of misunderstanding.
    • Look for Areas of Agreement. Dwell on areas where you agree. This establishes common ground, helping you find a solution good for both of you.
    • Be Honest. Look for areas where you can admit error, then do it. This disarms others and reduces their defensiveness.
    • Promise to Think Over Their Ideas. Tell the person that you will consider his point of view, and actually do it. He may be right, after all.
    • Thank Them Sincerely for Their Desire to Help. Most people who take time to disagree with you are interested in positive results, the same as you are. Welcome that.
    • Postpone Action So You Both Can Think Through the Problem. If need be, suggest another meeting. To prepare, ask yourself some hard questions about your “side,” and focus on a mutually beneficial solution.
  • Be Willing to Agree to Disagree. Sometimes you may need to accept your difference of opinion and move on. Be flexible whenever possible. Follow Thomas Jefferson’s advice: “In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current.”

via INJOY Interactive: www.injoy.com