Being the one who is broken up with can be the most challenging and chaotic as the minds condition has no choice but to go into what it has been trained to do. Such as:
- Blaming & Shaming
- Right & Wrong Thinking
- Make moral judgments
- and more…..
I have been there myself. I have experienced the open darkness of pain where it feels like there is a tear in the fabric of my reality. When I sought out support and empathy whether it was professional or in my personal friend group I wasn’t thrown the kind of lifeline for my grief and regret that steered me through the depth of emotions. Rather it added to the chaotic thinking emotions and increased the effort to sort out. Recently in the midst of supporting someone else’s break up I had a moment where I considered how much I would have benefited to have someone support me with this type of feedback, while recognizing this will have to be repeated until the chaos of the mind training settles and one can enter more permanently into the experience of sadness and forgiveness that is the letting go process.
When I listen to you I am taken into your story of regret and grief. I hear that you are replaying events in your mind thru the lens of pain you’re feeling now stimulated by this break up. Replaying events is part of the grieving process, however I encourage you to be aware that the need in the moment you made those choices then is far different than the one now. The present need is based on this current event and it cannot go back and preside over past events.
The current event is stimulating your pain body and your memories are surfacing. Putting attachment to them by going into assessing and criticizing yourself is feeding the pain your feeling. These thoughts are false realities. The truth is that in this moment you’re a feeling deep sorrow and pain as you experience this loss.