The third stage before talking it out with the other party is to consider what may be going on for them that had them behave or make the decisions that have stimulated you. These actions are similar to the process you just completed in determining your own feelings and needs yet now it is to imagine what is alive for them. What stimulated their behaviour or decisions.
- Consider what the other party/parties may be feeling.
- Connect to what needs they have.
Once you are comfortable with having some understanding of their perspective and what might going on for them, make a choice if you want to share what’s alive for you, or if you want to listen to them first. Begin to connect, start talking.
In the model that Dr. Marshall Rosenberg has written about in Nonviolent Communication, he suggests following a guideline to follow to support creating a new dialogue. To view this process – go to NVC – four part process
For Parts one – The first part in becoming friendly with anger begins with understanding its function
and four for those who are ready for a bigger challenge in their established practice – Part four – in becoming friendly with anger deepening the needs consciousness
Center for Inside Awareness 